Goodbye 2017, Hello 2018!

And here we are at the end of another year. And 2017 has been an interesting one! Last year I wrote a blog ending 2016, located here, where I answered a number of questions. So, to end 2017, I decided to answer the same questions, and see how this year turned out.

1. What made you feel the most alive this year?

I guess I would have to say stepping out of myself and trying new things. Anything that gets me out of my head and into the world around me.

2. How did you surprise yourself in 2017?

I was a lot more social in 2017. I know I am socially awkward, and meeting new people makes me super anxious, but sometimes I forget that meeting new people isn't that hard when the setting is right. I met some really cool people playing Pokemon Go all around downtown Sacramento. I also met so awesome people doing improv comedy.

3. What did you do this year that you regret?

Probably the biggest thing I regret is nothing unusual - not reaching out to people when I need to talk. I feel like there were times this year I could have used a friendly ear, or just more time around people, but I didn't really reach out. Everything is fine, just I think I spent too much time by myself in just the last couple months that I needed more social time.

4. What made you cry the hardest this year?

I realized, after having spent so much time crying in 2016, that I think crying has become a go to stress/emotions relief. So pretty much anything can make me cry these days. Hahaha, oh. Not to say that I am crying all the time, just that say the day is stressful, I find it easier to release if I cry even if it's not really a sad thing. Of course, I would have to say loneliness was what made me cry the hardest this year. I know that I am not alone, in an absolute sense, but really I just worry that maybe I'm not meant to find someone. The holidays are especially hard because I used to think that when I get older I would host holidays because I'd have a family for people to join. Since it's just my mom and me in town these days, now I just see decades of holidays not sure where to go, or if there will be anyone, because I really worry I will never have a family of my own. And more timely than that, I just really wish I had someone to be my person that I could talk to after a long day and to take care of. It's just rough thinking I'll never get that.

5. Which friends have been there for you the most in 2017?

Same as last year. I am glad to still have the same friends in my life. :)

6. What are you most grateful for as this year draws to a close?

I am grateful that it's never too late to try something new or for things to change. I just look at how bad last year was, and how well I like this year, so things don't suck forever.

7. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder?

I am definitely happier, for sure! I didn't have a bunch of negative things happening to drag the year down. I had a full year on an amazing team at work that I love! I took 2 improv comedy classes that were really fun and maybe will lead to something more long term. I am finally ready to put some stuff behind me and see in what new ways I can reinvent my life, while sticking with what work already.

8. What did you do to take care of yourself this year?

I developed some healthy habits that I hope will launch me into an even better 2018! I took 2017 as a time to develop some habits that are health positive in a way that didn't feel like a burden - healthier eating, more exercise. While I did not stay as on track as I wanted, and did not meet goals I wanted, I did make some important improvements habits wise that will lay the foundation for more rigor in the new year.

9. Where was the best place you traveled to this year?

I only travelled to Oregon this year, and it rained nearly the entire time!

10. What did you do for the first time in 2017?

Improv

11. What did you do for the last time in 2017?

Had to interact with some terrible person I never have to see again! YAY!!!

12. Which days from 2017 will you never forget?

I really loved our department All Hands in March where I did my presentation on Myers Briggs. I loved sharing something I am really interested in with our huge team, plus the fact that everyone really enjoyed my presentation felt amazing! I will also never forget my two improv class performances. I really missed performing (I used to do theater in high school). Even introverts love a stage sometimes, I guess! Oh, and that time the CEO made me sing "I Will Always Love You" in front of the office, because I was shaking scared of the singing in public but still at least hit that note! (It was a "sing the next lyric" game for a presentation).

13. What did you accomplish this year that you’re proud of?

Well, as mentioned, getting out into the world and meeting new people. Also, work wise just really learning new skills, being there for the people I work with, and really working on my personal brand!

14. Who did you need to forgive this year?

Probably myself. And probably other people for disappointing the sometimes high expectations I put on them, often without them knowing.

15. What were you most afraid of this year?

Dying without really living.

16. How did life surprise you this year?

I don't know it if did.

17. How was this year better than 2016?

In pretty much every way. My new car I bought last July is great, my new landlord is great, I feel better about me, my work situation is much better. Things really picked up.

18. How was this year worse than 2016?

The world is in the shit hole right now, thanks in large part to the terrible president we have. Sometime it's hard to appreciate the positives in my personal life when people are having their civil rights taken away and we may soon be nuclear bombed by North Korea. Sometimes I just want to cut out the news and the world outside my bubble, but that's not the way to go about it - we have to keep fighting back.

19. Who did you miss the most over the past year?

I don't know. Probably just missed seeing lots of people.

20. What was the most valuable thing you spent money on this year?

My student loan! I'm going to spend the next 16 months throwing extra money at it to get it more manageable.

21. What did you waste too much money on this year?

Well, maybe Pokemon Go, but I don't see it as a waste because it helps gets me exercise and out of the house.

22. How did you spend your birthday this year?

OOOh, I had the BEST birthday this year! I hosted a murder mystery party. The theme was an old west saloon where someone was murdered at the poker tournament that my saloon was hosting. I had a bunch of my fav people there, plus meant some new great friends of friends. I can't wait until the next one!

23. What was the best book you read in 2017?

OMG, I don't even know! I challenged myself this year to finish a book a week, so I could clear off my "to read" shelf of books. So I read 52 books. I don't even know how to figure out which was the best, as I don't know if I could even remember all the books I read this year!! But, if I had to pick, it was probably Ready Player One! I originally got it because my little brother recommended it, and then a past coworker raved about it too. It was a real page turner, and I am curious to see what the movie will be like

24. What do you wish you’d spent more time doing this year?

Probably working on my own book instead of just reading other people's books. I finished it in March or April, and instead of editing it I just haven't opened it in months. At first I was waiting for feedback, and then when only one person finished it, I got really nervous about it and just left it alone.

25. What do you wish you’d spent less time doing?

Less time alone with my thoughts. Well, at least the latter half of the year. I feel like in mid-year I was feeling really over socialized and I may have over compensated too much. Or maybe like my red-headed friend said, I needed to read fluffier books. I think I read one too many heavy things and made my head too heavy.

26. What made you the angriest in 2017?

The President.

27. When did you feel the most at peace this year?

I don't know, I don't really think about that.

28. What is the biggest risk you took in 2017?

At the risk of sounding repetitive, but taking improv. I tried something new outside of what I do with my life, and I stuck with it although it felt really uncomfortable and hard.

29. What made you laugh the hardest this year?

Taking comedy classes. It's fun to be silly with grown adults and laugh at ridiculous things.

30. What ended for you in 2017?

Feeling badly about something I couldn't do anything about, and it was about damn time to just get over it.

31. What began for you in 2017?

Hope that there's more out there waiting for me than what I've been up to in the last few years.

32. What song will always remind you of this year?

I don't know if I can think of just one song, probably more a band - I started listening to The Front Bottoms this year, and they really remind me of what I go up to in the second half of the year.

33. How did this year differ from the way you thought it would go?

I thought I would have done better with fitness and health, but there's always 2018!

34. How would you describe your personal style over the past year?

Business casual for work - simple but stylish, and then personal time is mostly jeans and band t-shirts.

35. Who in your life did you look up to the most this year?

Me! Learning to embrace my own strengths.

36. Which quote best sums up the past year for you?

37. Did you fall in love this year?

No. But my heart is open and ready for whatever 2018 feels like bringing me!

38. Did your heart break this year?

Nope. It's good and in tip top, albiet it refurbished, shape.

39. What was your favorite TV show in 2017?

Probably Once Upon a Time. I have been enjoying the new stuff for this season. Plus I really think the actor that now plays adult Henry is really hot, and it's nice to see him playing a nice guy. Last time I saw him was in Terminus, and he was not nice to Rick and Rick's friends.

40. Which (if any) new years resolutions did you keep this year?

Well, I tried and did some good things that stuck. For 2018 I am ready to kick it into high gear. I have such self control and gratification delay with so many things, that I just need to hunker down and apply that self control to fitness and health. No more excuses and babying!

41. Which (if any) new years resolutions will you be making for next year?

Focus on 3 things - health, paying down my student loan, and finishing my novel. I am also done making excuses about not trying to put my writing into the world - it may be scary since it's me being ultra vulnerable, and I can tell myself I suck 1000 times, but that's just me doubting myself. I've come this far, time to push to the finish line - if it's not meant to be, let someone else say that, because I won't.

42. What disappointed you the most in 2017?

People. Sometimes I worry that as a species we are evil and we suck. Sometimes it's hard to remember all the goodness in our hearts and minds when the bad stuff makes the news.

43. Who did you rely on the most in 2017?

Probably myself too much, and everyone else not enough.

44. Who might you owe an apology to at the end of this year?

Probably the same apologies I've owed for awhile now, for things that may not even been known needed an apology. Mostly, I'm sorry for the things I never say and the damage that brings.

45. How did you grow as a person over the past year?

I learned a LOT of stuff by finishing 52 books this year. I now use words like "timbre" and other pretentious things.

46. What made you feel the most stuck this year?

I felt stuck in my head a lot, especially these last few months. 

47. What made you feel the most inspired this year?

Reading. Books change lives! [Hahaha, my answer from last year - it fits, so why not leave it?]

48. If you could go back and give yourself a single piece of advice on the first day of 2017, what would it be?

I think I wouldn't have needed advice, but probably just a huge hug and a "you can do it, kid."

49. What’s the most important thing you learned this year?

I'm pretty fucking awesome, and anyone else who's not on board with that can go away. But like, in a really mellow way. 

50. What do you hope will be different for you by this time next year?

How about a boyfriend!? And maybe have my book on its way to being published? And hopefully 40+ pounds lighter. You know, easy stuff!