I could start this blog in a couple different places, but it's best to start at the beginning. I went to Oregon in October to visit my family. We took a walk through Eugene as a way to do something while getting some exercise. We visited a used bookstore. If you know anything about me, then you know I cannot resist a bookstore! And you would also know I'm the type of person who cannot spend any decent amount of time in a store without buying something if at least out of obligation for occupying time and space in their store. Call it guilt or call it courtesy, but I definitely bought a book in that store! It also seems that this is not a trait shared by any of the 3 family members who were also in the book store.
I came across this book: Improvisation for the Spirit. What kind of book would be better for me than that? I love books that mesh together things I love, like the philosophy and pop culture books I read. I like improv and self-improvement, so yay!
Not to mention, I am lately really in the need to boost my spirit. Now I know different people have different ideas of what that may mean, but I think we can all agree that sometimes things in life are rough and the sap away our ability to feel joy or engage fully with the things that give us meaning. It's sometimes too easy to get overwhelmed with anxiety over everything ever. So while I am working on things through proper channels and proper means, I thought reading this book now will really help with what I am working on. Plus, each chapter is meant to be worked on one at a time, so I can read other things while still reading this book and practicing things.
Each chapter ends with a mediation or practice to help with the lesson of each chapter. Chapter 1 is about spontaneity and has a journaling prompt at the end. So, I've decided to blog the journal prompt because I don't really journal outside of this blog. Plus, I've been told professionally how relaxed and excited I look when talking about writing, so it's good for my mental health. :^)
Here we go!
What does "spontaneity" mean to you? Of course before I answered this question I had to Google the definition because I'm like that. I often look up words when I read, whether it's a word I don't know or I am just curious if I have the right definition. Anyway, to me spontaneity means doing something in the moment without stepping back to analyze what to do.
Does it scare you? Absolutely! I've taken enough personality tests and spent enough time in my own head to know that I'd sooner overthink than be spontaneous. I like weighing options and being mindful about what to do. Even when I do something seemingly on a whim, like chop off all my hair, I've actually been thinking about it for more than a while, only I just don't tell people. I don't see what's wrong with taking time to think over something.
Do you believe that being spontaneous could hurt you or be potentially damaging in some way? I think this really just depends. Like if you're being spontaneous in a quit your job, sell your house, move across the globe kind of way, then yes I do believe it can hurt you and be potentially damaging. Spontaneity on big life choices can be terribly bad! (Not that that stops me from idly fantasizing about eloping with someone I've barely known just b/c I'm over being single. But that's idle daydreaming). I think on smaller stuff being spontaneous can be pretty innocuous, like going out instead of going home, or buying that thing you didn't go shopping for. As long as you don't make a habit of irresponsibility, than it's not really damaging in the abstract, or in the small stuff. And as long as it's not crime. Never spontaneously do crime - that'll damage the crap out of you!
Would being more spontaneous in certain areas of your life help? There have definitely been times in my life I wish I'd ask to tag along to things more. Or wish I'd spoken up more about my input or interests. I don't know if that means having more spontaneity, but definitely sometimes I would wait for an invitation or the "right moment" instead of just doing a thing because I wanted to do a thing at that moment. I think it would definitely help in my dating life - just putting myself out there and talking to someone instead of worrying so much about having the right thing to say or worrying that they wouldn't be interested anyway, so why bother.
Choose an area of your life where you would like to become more spontaneous and inspired. Why do you think you do not act spontaneously in this area? I would probably have to say my social life, both friends wise and romantically. I think I don't act spontaneous in this area because I've always been shy and introverted. Plus, I've always suffered self-esteem issues, so I get anxious about opening up to people. I'm a complex person, and I worry people won't like me or understand me. I've also always been uncomfortable opening up about myself. I think I'm such a good listener because it's easier for me to let other people share about themselves so I don't have to. :^) Plus, I also think it takes awhile to really get to know someone, so I don't want to rush to quickly into becoming good friends w/ someone (or romantically interested in someone) and then find out we're not really compatible and then feel bad for putting in effort that then needs to be backed out. I'd rather gather data on the outskirts first.
What are you afraid will happen if you are spontaneous? I am afraid I will say things that make people not like me, either by saying something stupid, awkward, or too smart that others feel stupid. Or maybe I'll just come off weird or uninteresting, or both at the same time. And it's not like I overly orchestrate everything I say and do. Sometimes it's a simple "do I sound bad in any sort of way" filter. Or it's just me being alone in a corner or silently letting others talk. There's just too much that goes on in my head that if I'm too spontaneous, who knows what will come out!! And like I know that generally people like me, and I probably make people think I don't like them because I'm too quiet or don't engage as much because mostly I may just be scared.
As you go about doing things in this area of your life for the next few days, notice how often you are acting spontaneously. Ever? Are you just doing the same, safe thing each time? Ummmm, I don't think I can answer this yet. I did go out last weekend when I did not plan to. And I had fun. I also stood around a lot and felt awkward, but I also know this will be the case less and less as I get more comfortable spending time with people.
Where do you stand as far as living a spontaneous life? I stand very far away from that shit, let me tell you. I do improv regularly now, but it took me 3 years of thinking about doing it before I actually signed up. No amount of arguing skills is going to convince anyone 3 years is short enough for a spontaneous time period. This is probably why I NEED to practice more spontaneity. I'm a big fan of the golden mean, so living between two extremes, and in this area I find myself too close to the extreme of over thinking to the point of doing not enough.
What was it about this book that attracted your attention? Well, I was in the comedy section of that used bookstore in Oregon looking for improv books, so I found what I was looking for, only more so because what I need now in life is to be more present and to add wonder and awe back to my life. I need to stop feeling weighted down by all the worry of the world and just be happy again. So I think was attracted me was that something I felt I needed was wrapped in a shell of something I love and already have dipped a toe into, so I bought it. I probably would have bought the book without the guilt of leaving without a purchase, but that helped too. Plus, there's no sales tax in Oregon, so I like to shop there!
