After many months, I have finally completed my current (and likely not last) rewatching of How I Met Your Mother. It's seriously amazing. And why you may ask did I decide to rewatch HIMYM? Well, in my close friend group, we each have our respective character that we relate to. It's eery how similar our group is sometimes, and funny how we use instances in the show to explain our real life times. I, of course, am the girl-Ted of the group. I am also sometimes referred to as girl-Ted every so sweetly by my BFF.
I relate to Ted a lot. And I am sure it didn't help when I read this article that just confirms that I have commonality with Ted. So, I found myself feeling both miserable and motivated about my love life, and needed some Teddy to help. He's like a spirit animal, one might say. "But wait!" you may ask yourself. "Elaborate more on this 'love life' you fail to mention." To which I will reply, I don't talk about my love life, for the same reasons I don't talk about my cat, my Ferrari, or my time as an ammeter horse racer - because no of those things actually exist!
On April 16th John Oliver referenced Ted in one of his jokes, only said Ted was so boring he didn't even have a name! And I have a coworker who insists on telling me he hates Ted Mosby every time I reference HIMYM. Maybe I'm offended because I relate a lot to Ted, and if people hate him, they might hate me too? Wait, no. It's because I love Ted Mosby as a character, and anyone with an opposite opinion can bite me!
Rewatching the show really makes me think of a comment my BFF said, about Ted actually being kind of a douche sometimes. And with that I totally agree. Because here's the reality of life - all men are douche bags sometimes. There are things that they do that drive us crazy! Mostly these things are because men don't think. It sometimes comes down to how much douche baggery can one handle. But I also don't think it's fair to count Ted's amount of douche baggery the same amount as you would a real life guy. Because let's be real - real life people don't have enough things happening in their lives to make 24 20-minutes episodes of entertainment. Sure, people may do interesting things, and live enjoyable lives, but not enough of it would be entertaining for other people to sit down and watch. So, I am sure TV shows fill character's lived with at least 4-5 times as much goings on as the average person experiences. So in reality, if Ted were a real person, he'd only experience a most 1/4 - 1/5 of everything in the show. I'm using real math, that's 83% accurate.
Some people think Ted is boring. I think Ted is adorable. I also think I'm adorable. Maybe too many people are too cynical. Or maybe I am too much of a hopeless romantic. Who knows. But I do know I like listening to all of Ted's speeches about love and the Universe and everything. I like that Ted likes to talk about wines, and poems. I like that he wants to tell people all about the interesting building facts he knows about architecture, or stops at those points of interest places. I particularly love the part in one of the last episodes where he read a huge book about Teddy Roosevelt and was just super into Teddy facts. Because Teddy Roosevelt is freaking awesome! I like how Ted can be sophisticated and thoughtful, and then watch something like Star Wars and robots versus wrestlers. But then I think it's because I relate to all of those things. If you've seen my book shelf, I have a hearty mix of some seriously deep thinking books, plus some not so deep thinking stuff. And I love Star Wars. Side note - I love the Stella watches Star Wars part, @ 4:00 - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Icl9uIyhSVc. But seriously, don't ever lie about not liking Star Wars. I don't care how much you care - that's an unforgivable lie! I mean, I don't know if I can like YOU, if you don't like Star Wars, but I also don't like liars.
And let's talk about hair. I just had a conversation yesterday where my cousin mentioned she likes bald guys. Sorry, I don't. I like guys with nice, expressive hair. And I know that Ted takes forever to make his hair look like he didn't do anything, but I like it. There's something about a guy with awesome hair that just makes me want to run my fingers through it. Some other great TV characters with nice hair - The Doctor (#10), Dean Winchester, Johnny Bravo (hahaha). Sam Winchester, not so much - not a fan. I like dude hair that's just long enough to have some extra character, but not so long it starts to just hand there. Sometimes I just want to tell dudes I know in real life to just not cut their hair so much. I go 7 weeks between hair cuts. ;^) And some guys start to look that just extra bit of hot, and then the get a hair cut. Boo!! Not to mention, my little brother has super short hair, but has pretty natural hair than me. That's not fair. And he's hiding those beautiful curls under a buzz cut. I don't mind trading my finicky, frizzy curls for his prettier ones. :^P
Hmmm, I feel like this is part "why I like Ted" and part "I just haven't written anything in awhile, I'm lonely, and I feel like rambling." Just a side note, in case you're losing the central theme to my essay here. Spoiler alert: I don't have one!!
Anyway, let's talk about the one thing the really irritates me to no end about Ted - his never getting over Robin! Ugg!! I swear there were so many times rewatching HIMYM that I had to speak aloud my frustration with "Robin, again?" Because really, they never were going to work. Ted had to met another woman, life out his ideal life of kids and a marriage, and then have his wife die, before he was in a place where he could have the life he really wanted, and date Robin. And okay, I get it. That was the whole intention of the show. And of course it went on for 9 years, which may have surprised them, so they had to keep up the Ted loves Robin thing or the ending wouldn't pay off - not that I think the ending paid off anyway, damn them The Mother killers! But it's less annoying after multiple watches.
I actually like to blame Robin for Ted never getting over her. That's totally fair, I know, right? I mean, she ruined Ted's relationship with Victoria by 1st being there, and then later by being Ted's friend. Yes, sure, Ted totally hooked up with Robin before breaking up with Victoria, and of course Ted refused to not be friends with Robin the second time when he and Victoria got back together. But Robin should have just gone away forever so Ted could be happy. If Ted and Victoria ended up together, he'd still have a wife and mother to his kids (most likely). And they'd all have tasty baked goods. Don't get me wrong, I like Robin as a character, and the character was acted great. I just hate seeing a character I relate to so much do shit that frustrates me because in such a situation I would probably do the same stuff and really hate myself for it. I think I hate it because I get it so much. How you get someone stuck in your head so badly that no matter how much your objective mind will tell you it's never going to work out, and you're just going to feel terrible until you realize it, subjectively you've got this person carved into the inside of your brain and you can't help but just constantly annoy your friends by being an idiot.
And I wonder if we all have a Robin. To which point I would say probably not. I think some people are lucky to where the person etched on the inside of their brain is the person they end up with. And I think some people aren't that emotionally invested (mature, messed up, whatever) to get to that point. Or maybe it's literally just people like Ted who are annoying and whiny, and amazing. Besides, it's much easier for someone like a Robin to just leave and never come back than for someone like a Ted to unstick someone from their brain when that someone won't go away. And I'm really sad that Robin and Kevin didn't work out, because I really like Kal Penn - I'd totally date him or most characters he plays. Side note: I don't know if you know this, but I'm totally on polar opposites when it comes to guys I take notice of - either gingers or dark hair. Blondes and brunettes are fine if they're fine, if you get me ;^). But something about those two extremes stand out. Maybe that's also why I like Ted the most, because Barney and Marshall are blonde and brunette.
Okay, I think I have fulfilled my "write 30 minutes" item on my daily activities check off chart. Maybe one day I'll blog about that! But seeing as how I'm failing miserably at that one - lots of missed days - I don't know if/when that will happen. I should be writing my book instead - so close! But [enter lame excuse here], so that's not happening, although I will force myself to just do it. I helps now that I don't have How I Met Your Mother to rewatch anymore ... until next time.
Fin
Monday, April 24, 2017
Monday, April 17, 2017
My Oakland Adventure! Aka Coheed was Awesome!
In early March, I went online to purchase tickets to see one of my favorite bands. On a whim, I decided to see who else would be playing at the Fox Theater in Oakland. And that's when I saw Coheed and Cambria were playing. So I bought myself a ticket and took the day off.
I drove to Oakland a little after noon, as I wanted to sleep in, have some alone time, and avoid any crazy traffic times. I arrived a little before 3 p.m. I found where the theater was and then went over to Lake Merritt. I am trying to be more active, and trying out new spots to catch pokemon, so two birds/one stone. I am not sure how long around the lake is, but I did walk all the way around. At one point I realized I should have worn sunscreen, but oh well. I actually asked myself as I left the house if I should out some on, but then said screw it!
The afternoon at the lake was great! I got a great workout - 5.5 miles! - plus enjoyed the Easter event for Pokemon Go with extra XP and great egg hatches! About 4pm I made my way to a Starbucks, and then grabbed a burger nearby. Unfortunately I had wondered quite a ways from my car, and had to hike the 35+ minutes back. But I had plenty of time!
I really should have researched parking beforehand with parking downtown anywhere SUCKS!! The lot I had looked up online was already full when I arrived. The show started at 8pm, so doors opened at 7pm. When I started looking for parking about 6:30 the line was already huge! I did find a parking lot a few blocks away with plenty of space. Of course, that meant I would have to hike back to that lot at 11pm at night, in downtown Oakland, alone. Yay!!
I did at one point try to pull into a parking garage. But they didn't have tickets at that machine and they guy in the lot wasn't close enough and wasn't explaining well enough for me to understand what the hell I was supposed to do. And then people tried to pull in behind me while I couldn't enter. I may have lost my head some and swore a bit. But people finally got out from behind me so I could back out a leave. So stupid!
Luckily, I made it to the line, which went pretty fast once the doors opened!
I spent the most of the first hour in line to buy a t-shirt. I almost didn't wait, but I knew I wouldn't want to wait after the show, and they would probably run out of good stuff by then anyway. Did I ever mention how I am the WORST at picking lines? It's terrible. There were 4 lines to buy stuff. And of course I get stuck in the line where three people in front of me some jerk bought like literally one of everything. The lady helping probably went back into the supplies 5-6 times to grab something else. I kid you not, this guy took 25+ minutes. I am particularly upset because I wanted a tote bag, but they ran out before I made it to the front of the line. If I picked a different line, I would have gotten one. Oh well, at least I got the one I wanted and it's a comfy material.
I was able to lock down a good spot - a a railing so no one was in front of me. I like hanging out in the back or on the side, away from the mass pit of people all sweating on each other. I prefer an unobstructed view to a close one.
Now, for some background. For this particular show, they played the entire Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV: Fear Through the Eyes of Madness album. For non-rockers, sometimes bands will play a show where they play an entire album from start to finish. I've seen a couple of these before - usually anniversary tours - I saw the 10 year tours for Commit This to Memory by Motion City Soundtrack, and Discovering the Waterfront by Silverstein. Coheed and Cambria play a lot of these shows because their albums are epic!! Plus, they tell the stories from Claudio's graphic novels/comic books.
As I looked around at the tattooed and pierced concert goers, I thought "hmmm, they probably wouldn't respond well to my story of when I discovered Coheed and Cambria." I remember that day well! Some of my sorority sisters and I were handing out at the Pi Kappa Alpha house. So hard core, right? We were playing quarters and this song comes on the computer. I instantly really like it and later ask my little sorority sister about it. It was A Favor House Atlantic by Coheed and Cambria, and she happened to be a big fan.
I saw Coheed and Cambria once before, at the 2007 Warped Tour. Reminding myself on Friday how long ago that was made me feel really old. :^( At that show, I drank a red bull right before and I swore my heart beat in time with the music. Every time a song ended, I felt like my heart stopped. I don't think I've had an energy drink since that day!
The show was phenomenal!! I forgot just how much that album rocks! If you have never listened to it, go do that now!! It's some seriously epic shit! If you haven't listened to it in awhile, go re-listen to it now! The screens also showed some great images, some of them disturbing because that fits. A couple times I wondered what the employees or people not familiar with the music were thinking - like did they think the band replayed a song because a later song revises some of an earlier song's parts (like in musicals!). Or did anyone think "is this still the same song" because progressive rock can have some very long songs!
I also wonder how hot it gets under Claudio's hair. Man, does he have some epic hair! And it's surprisingly compact when he put it in a man bun after awhile.
I got a little reminiscent when they played Wake Up. It's too bad my little sis didn't actually dance to this at her wedding like we used to joke. I think having this song as someone's first dance is totally legitimate. Two C&C fans should make this happen!
For an encore, they played 3 songs from other albums. The first was a new song I don't know because their newest album goes more mainstream and away from their usual sound. Then they played Delirium Trigger! Two fun facts about this song:
I drove to Oakland a little after noon, as I wanted to sleep in, have some alone time, and avoid any crazy traffic times. I arrived a little before 3 p.m. I found where the theater was and then went over to Lake Merritt. I am trying to be more active, and trying out new spots to catch pokemon, so two birds/one stone. I am not sure how long around the lake is, but I did walk all the way around. At one point I realized I should have worn sunscreen, but oh well. I actually asked myself as I left the house if I should out some on, but then said screw it!
The afternoon at the lake was great! I got a great workout - 5.5 miles! - plus enjoyed the Easter event for Pokemon Go with extra XP and great egg hatches! About 4pm I made my way to a Starbucks, and then grabbed a burger nearby. Unfortunately I had wondered quite a ways from my car, and had to hike the 35+ minutes back. But I had plenty of time!
I really should have researched parking beforehand with parking downtown anywhere SUCKS!! The lot I had looked up online was already full when I arrived. The show started at 8pm, so doors opened at 7pm. When I started looking for parking about 6:30 the line was already huge! I did find a parking lot a few blocks away with plenty of space. Of course, that meant I would have to hike back to that lot at 11pm at night, in downtown Oakland, alone. Yay!!
I did at one point try to pull into a parking garage. But they didn't have tickets at that machine and they guy in the lot wasn't close enough and wasn't explaining well enough for me to understand what the hell I was supposed to do. And then people tried to pull in behind me while I couldn't enter. I may have lost my head some and swore a bit. But people finally got out from behind me so I could back out a leave. So stupid!
Luckily, I made it to the line, which went pretty fast once the doors opened!
I spent the most of the first hour in line to buy a t-shirt. I almost didn't wait, but I knew I wouldn't want to wait after the show, and they would probably run out of good stuff by then anyway. Did I ever mention how I am the WORST at picking lines? It's terrible. There were 4 lines to buy stuff. And of course I get stuck in the line where three people in front of me some jerk bought like literally one of everything. The lady helping probably went back into the supplies 5-6 times to grab something else. I kid you not, this guy took 25+ minutes. I am particularly upset because I wanted a tote bag, but they ran out before I made it to the front of the line. If I picked a different line, I would have gotten one. Oh well, at least I got the one I wanted and it's a comfy material.
I was able to lock down a good spot - a a railing so no one was in front of me. I like hanging out in the back or on the side, away from the mass pit of people all sweating on each other. I prefer an unobstructed view to a close one.
Now, for some background. For this particular show, they played the entire Good Apollo I'm Burning Star IV: Fear Through the Eyes of Madness album. For non-rockers, sometimes bands will play a show where they play an entire album from start to finish. I've seen a couple of these before - usually anniversary tours - I saw the 10 year tours for Commit This to Memory by Motion City Soundtrack, and Discovering the Waterfront by Silverstein. Coheed and Cambria play a lot of these shows because their albums are epic!! Plus, they tell the stories from Claudio's graphic novels/comic books.
As I looked around at the tattooed and pierced concert goers, I thought "hmmm, they probably wouldn't respond well to my story of when I discovered Coheed and Cambria." I remember that day well! Some of my sorority sisters and I were handing out at the Pi Kappa Alpha house. So hard core, right? We were playing quarters and this song comes on the computer. I instantly really like it and later ask my little sorority sister about it. It was A Favor House Atlantic by Coheed and Cambria, and she happened to be a big fan.
I saw Coheed and Cambria once before, at the 2007 Warped Tour. Reminding myself on Friday how long ago that was made me feel really old. :^( At that show, I drank a red bull right before and I swore my heart beat in time with the music. Every time a song ended, I felt like my heart stopped. I don't think I've had an energy drink since that day!
The show was phenomenal!! I forgot just how much that album rocks! If you have never listened to it, go do that now!! It's some seriously epic shit! If you haven't listened to it in awhile, go re-listen to it now! The screens also showed some great images, some of them disturbing because that fits. A couple times I wondered what the employees or people not familiar with the music were thinking - like did they think the band replayed a song because a later song revises some of an earlier song's parts (like in musicals!). Or did anyone think "is this still the same song" because progressive rock can have some very long songs!
I also wonder how hot it gets under Claudio's hair. Man, does he have some epic hair! And it's surprisingly compact when he put it in a man bun after awhile.
I got a little reminiscent when they played Wake Up. It's too bad my little sis didn't actually dance to this at her wedding like we used to joke. I think having this song as someone's first dance is totally legitimate. Two C&C fans should make this happen!
For an encore, they played 3 songs from other albums. The first was a new song I don't know because their newest album goes more mainstream and away from their usual sound. Then they played Delirium Trigger! Two fun facts about this song:
- I named my band in Rock Band after this song. I've used this name in every Rock Band up to my current Rock Band 4 band.
- This song is one of the odder choices for my iPod playlist of songs I love to sing, for when I'm singing aloud in my car.
Before the last song started, I looked at my clock - 10:48 - 12 minutes until the end. I wondered how they would close down the show. 12 minutes gave the average band room for 2-3 more songs. But why do that when they can be awesome and close with In Keeping Secret of Silent Earth: 3, clocking in at slightly over 8 epic minutes of rocking!! What a way to end a show!! The last song of the night is an important choice (Yellowcard always closed with Ocean Avenue, *tear*). I particularly love parts of songs when the singer stops singing and let's the crowd sing the words! "Man your own jackhammer!" From my Internet research, I think that refers to the type of automatic shotgun, not an actual jackhammer. Although, since this is in reference to a comic book space epic, it could be some kind of jackhammer like spaceship. I don't really know - I've only read one of the comics and it didn't get that far!
So, I left the venue after an amazing evening! For someone who walked 5.5 miles that day and then stood in one spot of 3 hours, I have definitely felt was more sore. Must mean all the exercise this year is working! Score! I had pre-warned my mom to expect a call at 11 pm to escort me to my car. And I made it just fine! I was so pumped from the show I didn't have any problems driving home to Sacramento.
It's not very often that it happens, but Friday went better than expected, and truly was a great day! Rock on!
An Odd Sign from the Universe?
I find it amazing the random things that happen in life to help change you perspective. This is one such happening.
It all stated a couple weeks ago, when I was making a regular visit to the Starbucks near my office. When I first entered, I noticed a guy there that looked familiar - someone who I used to know in past instances, but hadn't seen in person for so many years, that if not for Facebook, I would have probably forgotten his existence. So of course, being the awkward introvert that I am, I pretended not to notice, and avoided looking in that direction by seeming very interested in my phone. However, when my drink was ready, I had to go near where he was standing, and he approached me.
What followed next was an interesting exchange. We did the usual chit chat of people who haven't talked in a very long time. If you know me well, you know that small talk with people I don't know makes me really uncomfortable! Oh the joys of introversion! But you also know that I am way too nice to just leave or be rude, because I care about everyone's feelings, so I will just suffer through these moments until it becomes less uncomfortable, or the socially required amount of time lapses and I can leave.
I think the first thing that really peeked my intuition, and not in a good way, was when I was making a comment about becoming an adult and realizing, and before I had a chance to finish my thought, him jumping in with that being an adult sucks. That really wasn't where I was going with that thought, more that when you become an adult you don't have it all figured out like you think you would as a younger person. My point much more equivocal, his interrupting interpretation was much more decided. So I did that thing I do in social settings, especially ones where I don't feel comfortable to be my whole, true self - I social mimicked. I really didn't have the time or the energy to disagree or have a deeper conversation about that, so I let it pass.
Side note, I don't agree that being an adult sucks. There are obvious pros and cons, but on the whole part I find it just fine. Granted, I realize I am lucky enough to have the intelligence, support, and education to take advantage of the advantages given to me. I find I definitely have the most self confidence and I am the most comfortable being myself with the world generally than ever before. And I find it kind of refreshing that other people even older than me don't have things figured out. It's nice there isn't one path and that the often prescribed way of being doesn't always work or make people happy. That just makes me feel better about myself creating my own path. Why not do things differently or want a different life, when what convention tells us all to want doesn't really work all the time, especially not for the unconventional.
Back on topic. So this guy tells me he and his wife are getting into this business where she's going to retire in two years and he's going to retire in five years. He mentions how much he doesn't like his job. And how he realized if you can do work that you didn't like at all, gave the example of shoveling manure, but if it gives you a good lifestyle, you would do it. That was another place where I fundamentally disagree. I have had boring jobs. And I hated it! I am an intellectual and someone who needs a challenge at work, and passion as well. I would willingly sacrifice a fancy lifestyle for work that gave my life meaning. But also, I think I can also work hard for and find meaningful work that can be passionate too. So, he asked for my card, to possibly get together with him and his wife to discuss their business. He said he'd talk to his business partners. I didn't want to hand over my card, but like I said, I am too nice to say no. I asked about what the business was, and he said something vague about on the back end it was online rerouting of customers or ad or something to/from major sites, but mostly the work is on the front end mentoring, or something like that. After a couple more pleasantries I went on my way back to work, hoping not to be called.
So of course I was called. I took a few days to call back. There was my internal struggle between "my intuition says something doesn't feel right" and "I don't want to be rude and not return the call." The message I left sounded less then enthused. I found it interesting that when I next spoke to this guy, he mentioned the voicemail and how I sounded interested/excited - I can't remember the actual word used. But definitely did not pick up on the tone of voice in the voicemail. I am not sure if he overlooked that on purpose, or just didn't get the tone of voice clues. I am often saddened but not surprised by people's lack of social awareness. When we did finally speak on the phone, I asked more about what the business - if there was any materials online I could read. He said I had to meet them in person.
Last week I met up with the guy and his wife. I will freely admit that I went into the meeting very skeptical. I did some online research about how to detect scams and how to ask the right questions. I just want to say that because I don't know many facts about this business thing of theirs, I cannot say for sure one way or the other how legitimate or how viable it is. However, what I can tell you are my personal impressions, observations, and analysis of what I experienced.
I arrived 15 minutes early. First, I have a saying I like to stick by. Early is on time; on time is late; and late is unacceptable. Second, I wanted to get settled into the location beforehand. We met at a familiar place in public, so no need to fear! They arrived pretty much right on time, so that I appreciated.
The first part of the meeting felt like a friendly interrogation. I have never had someone I don't know ask me so many questions about my family and life before - ever - let alone in one sitting. It definitely made me feel uncomfortable. And it wasn't just that there were a lot of questions. It didn't feel like a friendly chat of getting to know me. It really did feel like an interrogation. Some of the answers I kept more general or gave answers to shut down the line of questioning because I just felt otherwise I'd have to elaborate, and it really wasn't any of their business.
After that, they each took turns telling me their story - family history and job history. There were a few interesting things that stood out to me during this portion. One, just like when they were asking questions, this part didn't feel like a conversation. I tried to add my own anecdotes or comments about things I related to in their stories, but it really felt like they had rehearsed the flow of this part and my conversational interruptions were not welcome. Second, there really was a theme to how they both weaved their tales, a theme I believe they were trying to find also in me with the questions. The theme was one of I would say disillusioned educated young adult. They both talked about being from working class families, going to college, and not being satisfied with their career paths, which is totally fine. It wasn't so much what they said but more of how it felt like a very rehearsed script.
The next portion is where it got interesting. Once the story time ended, I really wanted to get down to business. My goal going into the meeting was to see how much information I could get to help me determine whether what they were doing was a scam or not. I still don't know for sure, but I definitely know that so many things rang warning bells with my intuition that I am glad it did not work out! I started by asking about the business model. I read a lot online about what kind of models are scams. Plus, having received no information about what the business was, or even a name for it, I wanted to know more. He gave a similarly vague answer about online sites. But he told me that it wasn't important what the business was, but rather who they worked with. So this meeting was an interview process. He said they couldn't tell me any details because they had to reveal the information over a series of 4-5 meetings. I thought that was weird. I raised the point that when someone interviews for a job, while the interviewer is getting to know the potential employee, the interviewee has information about the job and can research the company online - it's a mutual getting to know each other process.
I don't know how soon into the discussion I mentioned that what they were describing sounded like a scam, but that didn't sit very well with the husband. I was at least polite enough to say that there were parts of this that sounded sketchy and I wanted to raise them in case they didn't see them. I don't want any gullible people to be fooled. I had an interesting back and forth with the husband. I have a fancy degree in arguing, so I wasn't going to be intimidated or manipulated. There were a few things that really interested/worried me about the exchange. It wasn't about trying to sell me on whatever the business was - because they wouldn't give me any information. It seemed more trying to first hook me with suspense, and when that didn't work then trying to take stabs at my ego to manipulate me. He said that college brainwashes people to become employees, so the multiple meetings were to unbrainwash you from that employee mentality to a business owner mentality. Ummm, I don't know about you out there in reader land, but undergrad college did not prepare me AT ALL for the work place. Law school did, but this dude didn't go to law school. Okay, tangent point over.
There were definitely a few more attempts on my part to get more info that I can not remember clearly. I asked for a business name and got none. I asked for names of people who actually succeeded in the terms claimed (being able to step aware from their jobs at those times) and I was told they gave me names. I replied with I received firsts names of people I don't know so I can't verify. At one point I was told that there wasn't an opportunity for me, but that the meeting was just for them to get to know me to see if I was right for an opportunity. That was a definite play at my ego - not about trying to up sell their business thing, but rather to make me feel inadequate if I wasn't interested in their mystery business. He mentioned this process was to make sure they found people who were willing to make a change in their lives, and that not everyone had the motivation to stop being an employee. He said the process was to make sure they found people who were patient enough to stick with it. He later reiterated this point saying that maybe I wasn't the kind of person wanting to better my life.
At that point I really wanted to laugh in this dudes face or call him idiot names. I even had a very good retort and argument back, but at that point I realized I was wasting my time, and that I didn't care to argue to these strangers about how untrue that was. They were really just trying to manipulate me and I wasn't going to play that game. At some point, I think earlier, I had mentioned that as part of my job and through my education I learned about reading people, and that the kind of information not given and the kind of language he was using really raised concerns - I cannot quite remember how I phrased it - about it being deceptive or manipulative or something. He stated, in a clearly agitated way, that he was educated too. After I Googled "Millennial business scams" and found this article by Forbes. So, yes, you can be scammed even with your education because (1) my law degree gained me way more critical thinking skills than most people's whatever else degrees, and (2) most of the common sense and critical thinking skills about the real world I learned from the real world! Shocker!!
I will say this, I purposefully was very skeptical and questioning during this process. While I am a nice person, I am also very prudent. I am not looking to get scammed into anything. And I am not looking to waste my time on odd stuff. So I definitely tried to push some buttons, and frankly I was not pleased with what I saw. I found it interesting the entire approach to get me to continue in the process was negative. There was only a little mention of the other people helping them get their finances in order (although it made me wonder how much they let strangers see of their assets - they got involved in the first place just because some other similarly situated person received services at the wife's office). Other than that, the sales pitch wasn't about focusing on the positives of the experience - no the work is interesting, the business is booming, our lives are so much better. It really seemed focused on vetting me and trying to hook me in. I also found it interesting how in the Starbucks run in he mentioned doing any unenjoyable work if it gave a good lifestyle, but then in the later meeting mentioning he wanted to do something impactful. These two statement seemed at odds with each other, and I am wondering if the change in narrative came from coaching in the second instance, where the first was more him off the cuff. I also found it interesting that during the back and forth part that the wife really didn't say much.
Finally he called the conversation quits by saying that obviously it wasn't going to work out. He then said something about it was good though that I said no because not everyone was brave enough to say no, or some bullshit like that. The tone of his voice really gave away more of a "well this is pointless and I don't mean these words, but I need to say something to just cut this off." Then he completely changed topics and asked me if I still keep up with mutual people we know. He mentioned people he keeps up with. That got me thinking - why isn't he and his wife giving this pitch to those people? Granted, some of them live farther away, and it could just be geography. But I found it odd that he wants to meet with me, someone he hasn't spoken to in YEARs, and frankly someone he didn't really know more than as a friend of friends anyway, than people he's actually kept up with all this time. If I really had this great opportunity, I would want to bring in people I already know, rather than some person I ran into randomly. But on the other hand, if I were scamming someone, I would totally want someone I didn't know well.
In the hours and days that followed I definitely related this tale to a feel people. I had two different people ask me if I was sure they weren't trying to recruit me for a cult! At least business scams give you information about how the business is supposed to work. I am really curious now!
So after all of that, you might be wondering about the blog title. If you read my last post, you know that I've been kind of in a ho hum kind of mood. But this encounter made me realize just how lucky I am and made me feel good about my life choices. I found it ironic that I was being told that maybe I wasn't the kind of person willing to make an effort to change my life, when the person saying that to me was just earlier whining about how he hated the job path he took and didn't really do much but move around jobs until his wife stumbled on someone pushing a get rich quick scheme (or so I believe). And true, I did experience similar things to them - following the go to college plan, not really getting to where I planned for all those years, feeling adrift in the no-so-figured-out world of being an adult. But do you know what I did? I sure didn't just whine about it and take an easy way out. I worked my ass off. I may not have loved every moment of my job, but I worked hard, I kept an eye out for opportunities - hell I made opportunities for myself. I learned a lot about who I am as a person and what I want in a career, and then worked to get there. The path hasn't always been easy, but I am really excited about where I am now with work. I've found myself a few times over the last few weeks giddy with glee about work. And I know I can't feel like that all day every day, but I am excited about what I am doing, and it didn't just fall into my lap. I earned it and I went after it. That is what I could have argued that evening to them. But like I said, I realized there was no point. Who the hell were they? Nothing to my life. I really cared more in that moment that I was proud of what I had accomplished in a similar situation to them. I felt like they won't understand it because this business opportunity is exactly what a lot of people want - to follow xyz steps and then just be handed a reward at the end. But I am sorry, it doesn't work that way.
So no, I didn't have the patience that evening to stick it out for 4-5 more meetings. Even if their thing turns out to be legit, I didn't spend these last few years putting in all this effort to build a career and love how I am just to follow some strangers down some rabbit hole. But hey, at least it really helped me appreciate what I do have. I don't always to that enough!
It all stated a couple weeks ago, when I was making a regular visit to the Starbucks near my office. When I first entered, I noticed a guy there that looked familiar - someone who I used to know in past instances, but hadn't seen in person for so many years, that if not for Facebook, I would have probably forgotten his existence. So of course, being the awkward introvert that I am, I pretended not to notice, and avoided looking in that direction by seeming very interested in my phone. However, when my drink was ready, I had to go near where he was standing, and he approached me.
What followed next was an interesting exchange. We did the usual chit chat of people who haven't talked in a very long time. If you know me well, you know that small talk with people I don't know makes me really uncomfortable! Oh the joys of introversion! But you also know that I am way too nice to just leave or be rude, because I care about everyone's feelings, so I will just suffer through these moments until it becomes less uncomfortable, or the socially required amount of time lapses and I can leave.
I think the first thing that really peeked my intuition, and not in a good way, was when I was making a comment about becoming an adult and realizing, and before I had a chance to finish my thought, him jumping in with that being an adult sucks. That really wasn't where I was going with that thought, more that when you become an adult you don't have it all figured out like you think you would as a younger person. My point much more equivocal, his interrupting interpretation was much more decided. So I did that thing I do in social settings, especially ones where I don't feel comfortable to be my whole, true self - I social mimicked. I really didn't have the time or the energy to disagree or have a deeper conversation about that, so I let it pass.
Side note, I don't agree that being an adult sucks. There are obvious pros and cons, but on the whole part I find it just fine. Granted, I realize I am lucky enough to have the intelligence, support, and education to take advantage of the advantages given to me. I find I definitely have the most self confidence and I am the most comfortable being myself with the world generally than ever before. And I find it kind of refreshing that other people even older than me don't have things figured out. It's nice there isn't one path and that the often prescribed way of being doesn't always work or make people happy. That just makes me feel better about myself creating my own path. Why not do things differently or want a different life, when what convention tells us all to want doesn't really work all the time, especially not for the unconventional.
Back on topic. So this guy tells me he and his wife are getting into this business where she's going to retire in two years and he's going to retire in five years. He mentions how much he doesn't like his job. And how he realized if you can do work that you didn't like at all, gave the example of shoveling manure, but if it gives you a good lifestyle, you would do it. That was another place where I fundamentally disagree. I have had boring jobs. And I hated it! I am an intellectual and someone who needs a challenge at work, and passion as well. I would willingly sacrifice a fancy lifestyle for work that gave my life meaning. But also, I think I can also work hard for and find meaningful work that can be passionate too. So, he asked for my card, to possibly get together with him and his wife to discuss their business. He said he'd talk to his business partners. I didn't want to hand over my card, but like I said, I am too nice to say no. I asked about what the business was, and he said something vague about on the back end it was online rerouting of customers or ad or something to/from major sites, but mostly the work is on the front end mentoring, or something like that. After a couple more pleasantries I went on my way back to work, hoping not to be called.
So of course I was called. I took a few days to call back. There was my internal struggle between "my intuition says something doesn't feel right" and "I don't want to be rude and not return the call." The message I left sounded less then enthused. I found it interesting that when I next spoke to this guy, he mentioned the voicemail and how I sounded interested/excited - I can't remember the actual word used. But definitely did not pick up on the tone of voice in the voicemail. I am not sure if he overlooked that on purpose, or just didn't get the tone of voice clues. I am often saddened but not surprised by people's lack of social awareness. When we did finally speak on the phone, I asked more about what the business - if there was any materials online I could read. He said I had to meet them in person.
Last week I met up with the guy and his wife. I will freely admit that I went into the meeting very skeptical. I did some online research about how to detect scams and how to ask the right questions. I just want to say that because I don't know many facts about this business thing of theirs, I cannot say for sure one way or the other how legitimate or how viable it is. However, what I can tell you are my personal impressions, observations, and analysis of what I experienced.
I arrived 15 minutes early. First, I have a saying I like to stick by. Early is on time; on time is late; and late is unacceptable. Second, I wanted to get settled into the location beforehand. We met at a familiar place in public, so no need to fear! They arrived pretty much right on time, so that I appreciated.
The first part of the meeting felt like a friendly interrogation. I have never had someone I don't know ask me so many questions about my family and life before - ever - let alone in one sitting. It definitely made me feel uncomfortable. And it wasn't just that there were a lot of questions. It didn't feel like a friendly chat of getting to know me. It really did feel like an interrogation. Some of the answers I kept more general or gave answers to shut down the line of questioning because I just felt otherwise I'd have to elaborate, and it really wasn't any of their business.
After that, they each took turns telling me their story - family history and job history. There were a few interesting things that stood out to me during this portion. One, just like when they were asking questions, this part didn't feel like a conversation. I tried to add my own anecdotes or comments about things I related to in their stories, but it really felt like they had rehearsed the flow of this part and my conversational interruptions were not welcome. Second, there really was a theme to how they both weaved their tales, a theme I believe they were trying to find also in me with the questions. The theme was one of I would say disillusioned educated young adult. They both talked about being from working class families, going to college, and not being satisfied with their career paths, which is totally fine. It wasn't so much what they said but more of how it felt like a very rehearsed script.
The next portion is where it got interesting. Once the story time ended, I really wanted to get down to business. My goal going into the meeting was to see how much information I could get to help me determine whether what they were doing was a scam or not. I still don't know for sure, but I definitely know that so many things rang warning bells with my intuition that I am glad it did not work out! I started by asking about the business model. I read a lot online about what kind of models are scams. Plus, having received no information about what the business was, or even a name for it, I wanted to know more. He gave a similarly vague answer about online sites. But he told me that it wasn't important what the business was, but rather who they worked with. So this meeting was an interview process. He said they couldn't tell me any details because they had to reveal the information over a series of 4-5 meetings. I thought that was weird. I raised the point that when someone interviews for a job, while the interviewer is getting to know the potential employee, the interviewee has information about the job and can research the company online - it's a mutual getting to know each other process.
I don't know how soon into the discussion I mentioned that what they were describing sounded like a scam, but that didn't sit very well with the husband. I was at least polite enough to say that there were parts of this that sounded sketchy and I wanted to raise them in case they didn't see them. I don't want any gullible people to be fooled. I had an interesting back and forth with the husband. I have a fancy degree in arguing, so I wasn't going to be intimidated or manipulated. There were a few things that really interested/worried me about the exchange. It wasn't about trying to sell me on whatever the business was - because they wouldn't give me any information. It seemed more trying to first hook me with suspense, and when that didn't work then trying to take stabs at my ego to manipulate me. He said that college brainwashes people to become employees, so the multiple meetings were to unbrainwash you from that employee mentality to a business owner mentality. Ummm, I don't know about you out there in reader land, but undergrad college did not prepare me AT ALL for the work place. Law school did, but this dude didn't go to law school. Okay, tangent point over.
There were definitely a few more attempts on my part to get more info that I can not remember clearly. I asked for a business name and got none. I asked for names of people who actually succeeded in the terms claimed (being able to step aware from their jobs at those times) and I was told they gave me names. I replied with I received firsts names of people I don't know so I can't verify. At one point I was told that there wasn't an opportunity for me, but that the meeting was just for them to get to know me to see if I was right for an opportunity. That was a definite play at my ego - not about trying to up sell their business thing, but rather to make me feel inadequate if I wasn't interested in their mystery business. He mentioned this process was to make sure they found people who were willing to make a change in their lives, and that not everyone had the motivation to stop being an employee. He said the process was to make sure they found people who were patient enough to stick with it. He later reiterated this point saying that maybe I wasn't the kind of person wanting to better my life.
At that point I really wanted to laugh in this dudes face or call him idiot names. I even had a very good retort and argument back, but at that point I realized I was wasting my time, and that I didn't care to argue to these strangers about how untrue that was. They were really just trying to manipulate me and I wasn't going to play that game. At some point, I think earlier, I had mentioned that as part of my job and through my education I learned about reading people, and that the kind of information not given and the kind of language he was using really raised concerns - I cannot quite remember how I phrased it - about it being deceptive or manipulative or something. He stated, in a clearly agitated way, that he was educated too. After I Googled "Millennial business scams" and found this article by Forbes. So, yes, you can be scammed even with your education because (1) my law degree gained me way more critical thinking skills than most people's whatever else degrees, and (2) most of the common sense and critical thinking skills about the real world I learned from the real world! Shocker!!
I will say this, I purposefully was very skeptical and questioning during this process. While I am a nice person, I am also very prudent. I am not looking to get scammed into anything. And I am not looking to waste my time on odd stuff. So I definitely tried to push some buttons, and frankly I was not pleased with what I saw. I found it interesting the entire approach to get me to continue in the process was negative. There was only a little mention of the other people helping them get their finances in order (although it made me wonder how much they let strangers see of their assets - they got involved in the first place just because some other similarly situated person received services at the wife's office). Other than that, the sales pitch wasn't about focusing on the positives of the experience - no the work is interesting, the business is booming, our lives are so much better. It really seemed focused on vetting me and trying to hook me in. I also found it interesting how in the Starbucks run in he mentioned doing any unenjoyable work if it gave a good lifestyle, but then in the later meeting mentioning he wanted to do something impactful. These two statement seemed at odds with each other, and I am wondering if the change in narrative came from coaching in the second instance, where the first was more him off the cuff. I also found it interesting that during the back and forth part that the wife really didn't say much.
Finally he called the conversation quits by saying that obviously it wasn't going to work out. He then said something about it was good though that I said no because not everyone was brave enough to say no, or some bullshit like that. The tone of his voice really gave away more of a "well this is pointless and I don't mean these words, but I need to say something to just cut this off." Then he completely changed topics and asked me if I still keep up with mutual people we know. He mentioned people he keeps up with. That got me thinking - why isn't he and his wife giving this pitch to those people? Granted, some of them live farther away, and it could just be geography. But I found it odd that he wants to meet with me, someone he hasn't spoken to in YEARs, and frankly someone he didn't really know more than as a friend of friends anyway, than people he's actually kept up with all this time. If I really had this great opportunity, I would want to bring in people I already know, rather than some person I ran into randomly. But on the other hand, if I were scamming someone, I would totally want someone I didn't know well.
In the hours and days that followed I definitely related this tale to a feel people. I had two different people ask me if I was sure they weren't trying to recruit me for a cult! At least business scams give you information about how the business is supposed to work. I am really curious now!
So after all of that, you might be wondering about the blog title. If you read my last post, you know that I've been kind of in a ho hum kind of mood. But this encounter made me realize just how lucky I am and made me feel good about my life choices. I found it ironic that I was being told that maybe I wasn't the kind of person willing to make an effort to change my life, when the person saying that to me was just earlier whining about how he hated the job path he took and didn't really do much but move around jobs until his wife stumbled on someone pushing a get rich quick scheme (or so I believe). And true, I did experience similar things to them - following the go to college plan, not really getting to where I planned for all those years, feeling adrift in the no-so-figured-out world of being an adult. But do you know what I did? I sure didn't just whine about it and take an easy way out. I worked my ass off. I may not have loved every moment of my job, but I worked hard, I kept an eye out for opportunities - hell I made opportunities for myself. I learned a lot about who I am as a person and what I want in a career, and then worked to get there. The path hasn't always been easy, but I am really excited about where I am now with work. I've found myself a few times over the last few weeks giddy with glee about work. And I know I can't feel like that all day every day, but I am excited about what I am doing, and it didn't just fall into my lap. I earned it and I went after it. That is what I could have argued that evening to them. But like I said, I realized there was no point. Who the hell were they? Nothing to my life. I really cared more in that moment that I was proud of what I had accomplished in a similar situation to them. I felt like they won't understand it because this business opportunity is exactly what a lot of people want - to follow xyz steps and then just be handed a reward at the end. But I am sorry, it doesn't work that way.
So no, I didn't have the patience that evening to stick it out for 4-5 more meetings. Even if their thing turns out to be legit, I didn't spend these last few years putting in all this effort to build a career and love how I am just to follow some strangers down some rabbit hole. But hey, at least it really helped me appreciate what I do have. I don't always to that enough!
Monday, April 10, 2017
More Fun With More Questions!
Thanks to a great red headed friend of mine, I now have more questions from that same book to answer. The book is Power Your Happy by Lisa Sugar (the PopSugar founder) - in case anyone is interested. I may read in once my ban on acquiring new books is lifted. I have a shelf with I think now exactly 50 unread books on it, so I am working on my Finish a Book a Week Challenge so I can narrow down that pile. You should know I've already finished a book a week so far this year - 100% success rate so far - so you can imagine the books on the shelf. Although, a few of those books I added during this year because I love buying books!
Back on topic - I've decided to answer two sets of questions this time (and probably more to come in later days!) Mostly I just need things to write about in my blog, since my "Write 30 minutes a day" challenge is failing miserably, but I want it to fail less, but some days you need a break from your depressing, all over the place, terribly written book. :^) I picked these two sets since they relate to things I've been doing lately.
This next steps looks like questions about relationship partners. Since I am putting out good vibes for romance, and swiping through Bumble bees when not actively hating the idea of dating apps, I figure it's a good time to think about what I could be looking for.
1. What are the qualities of a good relationship?
Honesty, trust, vulnerability, fun, communication, attraction, maturity, shared Netflix account
2. What values do you want your partner to share with you?
3. In what ways do you want your relationship to resemble your parents' (or not)?
How about not at all.
4. What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Kind, funny, smart enough to hang, doesn't mind me being the smarter one, we can actually carry on a conversation. I think ideally someone that I have enough in common with that we can have common ground, but enough different so that we can compliment each other. For example, I tend to be really attracted to really social extroverts (or sometimes introverts that can really bring it in a group setting, or sometimes are just drinking the extrovert juice, re booze). There's something really sexy about a guy that just gets all energized when talking in a group. I'm talking telling stories, cracking jokes, infectious laughter. Damn! Also, something I read a lot about INFJs (my Myers Briggs type) is that we really want to be understood. I am not an average person - I can be odd, I see things differently, I have a unique personality, and often get lost in thought. I really appreciate people who pick up on these things, and even if they don't understand everything (there's a LOT to understand - still waters run deep), I appreciate the wanting to know. It's funny, my mom is really good at this thing where she can tell something bothered me, or that I am lost in thought on something just from like my facial expression or the tone of my sighs - she's like a really great Dayna whisperer. And I know other people who can kind of do that too sometimes. It would actually be really great to have a partner who can pick up on these little non-verbal communications. That way, he can make me talk about things when otherwise I may just not address things because I am conflict adverse. If two conflict adverse people got married, would they live happily ever after, or would they randomly explode one day? Inquiring minds want to know!
5. How do you like to spend your downtime? Which of those experiences do you want to share with a partner?
I like alone/quiet time, but I also like to be intellectually entertained. I feel like I would do more - see more things, do more activities - if I wasn't alone all the time. It's just kind of sad to go out to a restaurant or check out some museum thing alone. It's especially not the best to travel too far alone as a woman. Maybe someone should check come Saturday morning that I made it home alive from my Oakland concert trip. Can I have someone to go to concerts with? He doesn't even have to like my music - I'd make sure they were tamer concerts.
6. How much of your time do you think you should spend with your partner?
Just the right amount of time. Duh. Idk, I guess it depends on how needy they are and how not annoyed that makes me. And what their job is, and whether you live together or not.
7. What things do you still need to have that are your own?
I am a pretty introverted introvert, so definitely alone time. That doesn't have to mean being literally alone. That's the dream - having someone you can be with and it still refreshes me like being alone. I would still need my girly time with my BFF. Sometimes you just need to gossip about boys and girls, and watch girly princess movies, and paint nails. And I definitely need to have control of the audio in the car, whether or not I am driving, and whether or not it's my car. I of course may kindly oblige others to allow them to listen to something they want, but that's at my discretion. I'm kind like that.
8. What is one thing about a past relationship you want to make sure you don't have in the next one?
Well, since I really don't have anything to say here, I guess in general just being more vulnerable. I am slow to trust and to open up. I am an enigma wrapped in a mystery. And I'm a parfait (OMG that word's hard to spell!) - not an onion, as they smell bad - because I have lots of layers. I think with all my friendships and familyships I've had to work on being more open. But it works out well, mostly. So that's good. I have good taste in friends.
Back on topic - I've decided to answer two sets of questions this time (and probably more to come in later days!) Mostly I just need things to write about in my blog, since my "Write 30 minutes a day" challenge is failing miserably, but I want it to fail less, but some days you need a break from your depressing, all over the place, terribly written book. :^) I picked these two sets since they relate to things I've been doing lately.
Are you majoring in your health?
1. What do you do to start your morning off right?
Coffee! Does that count? No? Well, I like to eat breakfast every day so I don't get hungry while I'm working. And it's usually a pretty healthy breakfast. I get out of bed, which I think is a major win on any day.
2. What do you consider your healthiest habit?
I am becoming this amazing flosser. Flossing is one of the good habits I have been building this year (and last year), and it's really taking off! Now I don't like it when I don't floss because my teeth feel so nice when I floss. Why did it take more 30+ years to figure this out? And it's not even hard.
3. What do you consider your least healthy habit?
Smoking. I know, I know it's really bad for me. And it's not an all the time habit. It's really a social habit that I happen to do on a semi-regular basis, but socially. I only do it at home, and I don't have to smoke everyday, and I've stopped for weeks or a month at a time. It's just hard when you live with a smoker, and it's a thing you do together - it's bonding time.
4. What type of exercise do you really love?
Taking walks with Pokemon Go! Like seriously, no joke. I am a brainy person, so exercise can be so boring. And since I don't have a buddy to work out with on any regular basis, having something to play while I take walks is great! I take an hour plus walk at least once a week, with smaller ones during the week. And before where I had to agonize over the minutes left until I met my 30 minutes minimum, now I think about how much daylight I have left, or things I don't have to do that day so I can stay out walking longer.
5. How do you make time to feel good physically?
I have been working it into my daily habits more. I have a check sheet of things to do each day to build better habits, and one of those things is exercise. So I either go to gym after work, or if I don't want to do that, I may walk to grab lunch or Starbucks, or just walk around outside for 30 minutes. On weekend I definitely take time to go Pokemon hunting.
6. How do you clear your head during the day?
I usually pull the stopper out of my ear and let all of the hot air float come out. Wait, that's not what this question is asking. I like to listen to music. Driving to and from work with the right playlist is very helpful. Even sometimes when I am at my desk and I just need a moment to clear my head, I'll focus on a song or two. I also sometimes just leave the office to get fresh air or Starbucks when I need to clear my head.
7. What little things make you happiest during the week?
When I get Starbucks - is it sad how much I like coffee? When I hear a song I really love and it hits the spot, emotionally. When someone I am fond of messages me or pops by to chat - especially when the conversations are just random or silly. I like when someone makes me literally laugh out loud because of an IM or email - it's good to have laughter in your life. That first moment when I am home at the end of the day and finally settled into my "me time" knowing I have quietness all to myself. Hmmm, what other "little" things are there? I feel like I have to make a "little death" joke here - those make me happy. Oooh, and singing makes me the happiest, any of those little moments alone when I can bust something out, whether something rockin', some Disney tunes, or some Adele. I do politely keep the singing in the shower to a before 6pm time, since people have to sleep.This next steps looks like questions about relationship partners. Since I am putting out good vibes for romance, and swiping through Bumble bees when not actively hating the idea of dating apps, I figure it's a good time to think about what I could be looking for.
1. What are the qualities of a good relationship?
Honesty, trust, vulnerability, fun, communication, attraction, maturity, shared Netflix account
2. What values do you want your partner to share with you?
3. In what ways do you want your relationship to resemble your parents' (or not)?
How about not at all.
4. What qualities do you look for in a partner?
Kind, funny, smart enough to hang, doesn't mind me being the smarter one, we can actually carry on a conversation. I think ideally someone that I have enough in common with that we can have common ground, but enough different so that we can compliment each other. For example, I tend to be really attracted to really social extroverts (or sometimes introverts that can really bring it in a group setting, or sometimes are just drinking the extrovert juice, re booze). There's something really sexy about a guy that just gets all energized when talking in a group. I'm talking telling stories, cracking jokes, infectious laughter. Damn! Also, something I read a lot about INFJs (my Myers Briggs type) is that we really want to be understood. I am not an average person - I can be odd, I see things differently, I have a unique personality, and often get lost in thought. I really appreciate people who pick up on these things, and even if they don't understand everything (there's a LOT to understand - still waters run deep), I appreciate the wanting to know. It's funny, my mom is really good at this thing where she can tell something bothered me, or that I am lost in thought on something just from like my facial expression or the tone of my sighs - she's like a really great Dayna whisperer. And I know other people who can kind of do that too sometimes. It would actually be really great to have a partner who can pick up on these little non-verbal communications. That way, he can make me talk about things when otherwise I may just not address things because I am conflict adverse. If two conflict adverse people got married, would they live happily ever after, or would they randomly explode one day? Inquiring minds want to know!
5. How do you like to spend your downtime? Which of those experiences do you want to share with a partner?
I like alone/quiet time, but I also like to be intellectually entertained. I feel like I would do more - see more things, do more activities - if I wasn't alone all the time. It's just kind of sad to go out to a restaurant or check out some museum thing alone. It's especially not the best to travel too far alone as a woman. Maybe someone should check come Saturday morning that I made it home alive from my Oakland concert trip. Can I have someone to go to concerts with? He doesn't even have to like my music - I'd make sure they were tamer concerts.
6. How much of your time do you think you should spend with your partner?
Just the right amount of time. Duh. Idk, I guess it depends on how needy they are and how not annoyed that makes me. And what their job is, and whether you live together or not.
7. What things do you still need to have that are your own?
I am a pretty introverted introvert, so definitely alone time. That doesn't have to mean being literally alone. That's the dream - having someone you can be with and it still refreshes me like being alone. I would still need my girly time with my BFF. Sometimes you just need to gossip about boys and girls, and watch girly princess movies, and paint nails. And I definitely need to have control of the audio in the car, whether or not I am driving, and whether or not it's my car. I of course may kindly oblige others to allow them to listen to something they want, but that's at my discretion. I'm kind like that.
8. What is one thing about a past relationship you want to make sure you don't have in the next one?
Well, since I really don't have anything to say here, I guess in general just being more vulnerable. I am slow to trust and to open up. I am an enigma wrapped in a mystery. And I'm a parfait (OMG that word's hard to spell!) - not an onion, as they smell bad - because I have lots of layers. I think with all my friendships and familyships I've had to work on being more open. But it works out well, mostly. So that's good. I have good taste in friends.
Friday, April 7, 2017
You Can Thank the Other Red Head for This One
I was discussing with a coworker today how I feel that my trouble with being tired of the ups and downs of work are probably due to a lack of balance in my personal life. I don't mean "work/life balance" as I believe that I am succeeding decently at of late. Rather, the balance I feel I lack is all of the things that seem to occupy my mental and emotional energy all seem to be work related, whether for good or bad. During my personal life times, I feel mostly "meh" about things. Don't get me wrong - I have had some great experiences and fun times with people I care about. There just seems to be something about this time in my life that just feels unexciting. I feel like I have been really intellectually stimulated and I keep myself generally entertained - I have read 14 books so far this year. But I just feel emotionally my life hasn't been overly engaging.
On one hand, this is a huge improvement over last year. True, the world still sucks and there are many things that make me sad and disappointed with life. But personally, my life has really mellowed out. I think part of the mellowing is attitude - in taking care of myself and building better habits, I am learning to take things day by day and look for the positive pieces, instead of focusing on slow results and negative pieces. Plus it helps that external negatives in my daily life have lessened a lot too.
I think part of the problem is I cannot tell if I am putting myself on the path to better things, or just sitting on the sidelines, but in a different way. Or maybe I have a good life that is enjoyable and I just need to remember how to find the quiet joys in it. Or maybe I think too much, and that's what drives me crazy. Or maybe I should crack open the screen play writing book I bought weeks ago and try writing a screen play. Or maybe I just try a new hobby every couple months because I like new things, and maybe I will meet new people. (I do start improv comedy class in May - we'll see how THAT goes!).
So, now that I went off on that tangent, my coworker IM'd me some questions from a book she is reading that you're supposed to ask yourself to gain insights, I guess. The questions she sent were from a chapter on "Find Your Passion." Since one of my passions is writing, and I have been looking for something to blog about, I am going to answer these questions. (Seriously though, I miss the days when I was young, naive, interesting, and had all sorts of silly things to blog about. :^P) I do like this answering questions things though. I wish people asked me more questions in real life. I may be a closed book, but the pages are easy to turn over if you just try. #bookmetaphor - I also use hash tags on not-Twitter things ironically, or to be funny. If I were serious, it's grounds to up me out of my misery.
Question 1 - When do you feel most energized?
When I'm sleeping? Can I have a passion for sleeping? Probably when I am doing something that peaks my intellectual curiosity, such as playing games, solving interesting problems, or talking about interesting subjects with people. Also, when I am excited about something, such as a vacation or an event. I am so excited about the birthday party I am throwing myself, my best and I already went shopping for supplies - 2 months early. I also have a spreadsheet with all the to do items and supplies we need! I have said a lot lately my favorite activities are half interacting with people and half making fancy spreadsheets! Ooh, that's the answer! I feel most energized when using Excel! Hahaha, mostly kidding.
Question 2 - What will you wake up early for?
Disneyland. The only acceptable answer is that I am going to Disneyland. But truthfully, I am not a morning person, so if I wake up early it's more out of obligation to do something or be somewhere, than because I want to. In my dream world, everything exciting and worth doing for me would let me sleep in until 9am. But I do sometimes like to wake up early on the weekends (if I had enough sleep) just so I can feel like a had a longer productive day. If I feel like I haven't had enough alone time during the week, I do like the extra time on the weekends.
Question 3 - What do you stay up late doing?
I stay up late getting my "me time." I find nighttime relaxing. Plus, I am pretty sure I was born a night owl, so staying up late is my jam! Usually I will be reading or playing video games (often while also watching TV). I seem more inclined to stay up later if I didn't have enough alone time during the day, and probably not enough in the future. On occasion I also like staying up late just hanging out with people. Shocker! I know! With the right people, when it's just chill and fun, I don't want the time to end. I may be an introvert, but I really like people. I just tend to like people I already know, and in smaller groups.
Question 4 - What do you never get sick of talking about?
Myers Briggs - duh! I find it so interesting. Or more like, Pinteresting. <-- see what I did there? I have a MBTI Pinterest board full of goodies! Really I think I just really like analyzing people, probably because I am naturally good at it. Also, I never get sick of talking about cute guys. Maybe that's because I don't get to do it enough. It reminds me of the comedian I heard once - if I were hungry I would talk about food.
Question 5 - What do you want to spend a chunk of money on?
I want to go an other big trip. I really want to go to New York. I REALLY want to see Hamilton, but that's crazy expensive! If I were rich I would go. I would still go to New York, maybe some other time, only without buy crazy expensive Hamilton tickets. There are lots of other places I would like to go too - like Hawaii, Germany, London again, many, many other places. It's just hard because I also want to buy a house, whatever my future may bring (*coughs* dying alone *coughs*). I think I need to do that first, and then go on another huge trip. But a not huge trip is totally doable - or a few!
Question 6 - What do your friends come to you for advice on?
My friends come to me for advice on interpersonal issues. Probably again has to do with my skills at analyzing people. Plus I think I am good at breaking a situation down and talking about it honestly, but kindly. So I guess I have good social awareness.
Question 7 - With friends, are you the one who makes plans or the one who goes along with them?
This really depends on the situation. I am the kind of person that always wants there to be a plan, but I don't necessarily want to make it. Gah! the struggle of being indecisive yet scheduled! So, basically I will let others take the reigns and make the plans, but if they can't get their acts together to make a plan, I will make it. Or at least I will use my people skills to trick them into making a plan. Okay, not so much tricks as just asking questions until I force them to acknowledge what they really want, and it gets picked.
Question 8 - What was your favorite subject in school?
I always really like science growing up - until I chose it as a college major. *face palm* What I liked as a kid about science was learning how things worked. Plus, I really liked hands on activities - field trips, experiments, animal dissections! For science! I think the problem was that I liked science for what it offered intellectually and activity wise, but really didn't find a path to a science career that worked with my personality. College science is too much memorization, not enough labs. Except O-chem labs - those can go to hell!!! My only regret about not pursuing science longer is that I never got to dissect a cadaver. In another life, maybe I should have been a surgeon, or a coroner. But seriously, in another life I should have been a therapist. But hey, I cannot wait to do experiments with my (hopefully not fictional) children, where you do cool things with household items.
Question 9 - What was your favorite extracurricular activity?
I occasionally think about how much I miss theater. I did drama in high school and loved it! Again, you would think that me being an introvert would make acting tough, but you'd be wrong! It's actually easier when you don't have to be yourself. And I learned in my teens the rush of making an audience laugh. My best friend and I discussed trying out for the local theater company. But I worry about it since I haven't acted in 15 years, so there are probably a lot more experienced (and better looking) people to fill the roles. But, if say I write my own screen play, maybe I can act in my own TV show!
Question 10 - What extracurricular activity did you try but hate?
That's a tough one. I was kind of a resume packer in high school, so I did a lot of things but nothing I could say I actually hated. Maybe because I just knew what I wouldn't like and didn't try. I have this dislike of trying things I know I will be bad at. You would think I would say sports. I only played sports in junior high, but I had a good enough time. I really enjoyed playing soccer for the youth league in the 8th grade - probably because I was half the girls on the team. I would probably have to say I tried out a couple clubs in undergrad and grad school that I didn't go back to because of the people. Maybe it was a bad sign about being a pre-dental major when I didn't like most of the pre-dental students in the pre-dental club?
Question 11 - What weird hobby did you have as a kid?
Well, I used to make fake food out of mud and dirt in the backyard. Is that weird? I also used to sit in the living room listening to my cd's with headphones one, and I hand wrote lists of all the songs on all my cd's in alphabetical order. So when I bought a new cd, I had to rewrite the entire list. Excel would have blown my mind as a pre-teen/teen! But now I have iTunes, so it does that for me.
Question 12 - What's one passion or interest you think you could never turn into a job?
Music! Music is my most favorite thing in the world. I love listening to music, I love singing, I love talking about music (even if the other person has no idea what I am taking about and doesn't care). I don't think I could ever write music - although maybe song lyrics. I don't think I have the personality either for someone who would perform music. I would not be able to handle touring. I much rather enjoy singing whatever song I want from the comfort of my kitchen, shower, or car. Plus, being a musician these days to me seems as much about the persona of the artist, as the art. And I am not a very showy person. People tend to forget I exist sometimes. And I'm not some hot pop star looking person. And since Adele already exists, there's not really much of a niche for me, especially as I can't sing quite like her and she's very pretty too. I thought about a non-performer music career, but I am not really sure what that would look like with my personal strengths and interests. I think I would rather just enjoy listening to music to help out my day doing the work I have, and occasionally impressing the unexpected bystander when I sing within earshot of someone else.
Well, that was fun! And what did I learn? That I am passionate about being a weirdo - an introverted, people loving, weirdo. But seriously, that was fun. So, job well done!
On one hand, this is a huge improvement over last year. True, the world still sucks and there are many things that make me sad and disappointed with life. But personally, my life has really mellowed out. I think part of the mellowing is attitude - in taking care of myself and building better habits, I am learning to take things day by day and look for the positive pieces, instead of focusing on slow results and negative pieces. Plus it helps that external negatives in my daily life have lessened a lot too.
I think part of the problem is I cannot tell if I am putting myself on the path to better things, or just sitting on the sidelines, but in a different way. Or maybe I have a good life that is enjoyable and I just need to remember how to find the quiet joys in it. Or maybe I think too much, and that's what drives me crazy. Or maybe I should crack open the screen play writing book I bought weeks ago and try writing a screen play. Or maybe I just try a new hobby every couple months because I like new things, and maybe I will meet new people. (I do start improv comedy class in May - we'll see how THAT goes!).
So, now that I went off on that tangent, my coworker IM'd me some questions from a book she is reading that you're supposed to ask yourself to gain insights, I guess. The questions she sent were from a chapter on "Find Your Passion." Since one of my passions is writing, and I have been looking for something to blog about, I am going to answer these questions. (Seriously though, I miss the days when I was young, naive, interesting, and had all sorts of silly things to blog about. :^P) I do like this answering questions things though. I wish people asked me more questions in real life. I may be a closed book, but the pages are easy to turn over if you just try. #bookmetaphor - I also use hash tags on not-Twitter things ironically, or to be funny. If I were serious, it's grounds to up me out of my misery.
Question 1 - When do you feel most energized?
When I'm sleeping? Can I have a passion for sleeping? Probably when I am doing something that peaks my intellectual curiosity, such as playing games, solving interesting problems, or talking about interesting subjects with people. Also, when I am excited about something, such as a vacation or an event. I am so excited about the birthday party I am throwing myself, my best and I already went shopping for supplies - 2 months early. I also have a spreadsheet with all the to do items and supplies we need! I have said a lot lately my favorite activities are half interacting with people and half making fancy spreadsheets! Ooh, that's the answer! I feel most energized when using Excel! Hahaha, mostly kidding.
Question 2 - What will you wake up early for?
Disneyland. The only acceptable answer is that I am going to Disneyland. But truthfully, I am not a morning person, so if I wake up early it's more out of obligation to do something or be somewhere, than because I want to. In my dream world, everything exciting and worth doing for me would let me sleep in until 9am. But I do sometimes like to wake up early on the weekends (if I had enough sleep) just so I can feel like a had a longer productive day. If I feel like I haven't had enough alone time during the week, I do like the extra time on the weekends.
Question 3 - What do you stay up late doing?
I stay up late getting my "me time." I find nighttime relaxing. Plus, I am pretty sure I was born a night owl, so staying up late is my jam! Usually I will be reading or playing video games (often while also watching TV). I seem more inclined to stay up later if I didn't have enough alone time during the day, and probably not enough in the future. On occasion I also like staying up late just hanging out with people. Shocker! I know! With the right people, when it's just chill and fun, I don't want the time to end. I may be an introvert, but I really like people. I just tend to like people I already know, and in smaller groups.
Question 4 - What do you never get sick of talking about?
Myers Briggs - duh! I find it so interesting. Or more like, Pinteresting. <-- see what I did there? I have a MBTI Pinterest board full of goodies! Really I think I just really like analyzing people, probably because I am naturally good at it. Also, I never get sick of talking about cute guys. Maybe that's because I don't get to do it enough. It reminds me of the comedian I heard once - if I were hungry I would talk about food.
Question 5 - What do you want to spend a chunk of money on?
I want to go an other big trip. I really want to go to New York. I REALLY want to see Hamilton, but that's crazy expensive! If I were rich I would go. I would still go to New York, maybe some other time, only without buy crazy expensive Hamilton tickets. There are lots of other places I would like to go too - like Hawaii, Germany, London again, many, many other places. It's just hard because I also want to buy a house, whatever my future may bring (*coughs* dying alone *coughs*). I think I need to do that first, and then go on another huge trip. But a not huge trip is totally doable - or a few!
Question 6 - What do your friends come to you for advice on?
My friends come to me for advice on interpersonal issues. Probably again has to do with my skills at analyzing people. Plus I think I am good at breaking a situation down and talking about it honestly, but kindly. So I guess I have good social awareness.
Question 7 - With friends, are you the one who makes plans or the one who goes along with them?
This really depends on the situation. I am the kind of person that always wants there to be a plan, but I don't necessarily want to make it. Gah! the struggle of being indecisive yet scheduled! So, basically I will let others take the reigns and make the plans, but if they can't get their acts together to make a plan, I will make it. Or at least I will use my people skills to trick them into making a plan. Okay, not so much tricks as just asking questions until I force them to acknowledge what they really want, and it gets picked.
Question 8 - What was your favorite subject in school?
I always really like science growing up - until I chose it as a college major. *face palm* What I liked as a kid about science was learning how things worked. Plus, I really liked hands on activities - field trips, experiments, animal dissections! For science! I think the problem was that I liked science for what it offered intellectually and activity wise, but really didn't find a path to a science career that worked with my personality. College science is too much memorization, not enough labs. Except O-chem labs - those can go to hell!!! My only regret about not pursuing science longer is that I never got to dissect a cadaver. In another life, maybe I should have been a surgeon, or a coroner. But seriously, in another life I should have been a therapist. But hey, I cannot wait to do experiments with my (hopefully not fictional) children, where you do cool things with household items.
Question 9 - What was your favorite extracurricular activity?
I occasionally think about how much I miss theater. I did drama in high school and loved it! Again, you would think that me being an introvert would make acting tough, but you'd be wrong! It's actually easier when you don't have to be yourself. And I learned in my teens the rush of making an audience laugh. My best friend and I discussed trying out for the local theater company. But I worry about it since I haven't acted in 15 years, so there are probably a lot more experienced (and better looking) people to fill the roles. But, if say I write my own screen play, maybe I can act in my own TV show!
Question 10 - What extracurricular activity did you try but hate?
That's a tough one. I was kind of a resume packer in high school, so I did a lot of things but nothing I could say I actually hated. Maybe because I just knew what I wouldn't like and didn't try. I have this dislike of trying things I know I will be bad at. You would think I would say sports. I only played sports in junior high, but I had a good enough time. I really enjoyed playing soccer for the youth league in the 8th grade - probably because I was half the girls on the team. I would probably have to say I tried out a couple clubs in undergrad and grad school that I didn't go back to because of the people. Maybe it was a bad sign about being a pre-dental major when I didn't like most of the pre-dental students in the pre-dental club?
Question 11 - What weird hobby did you have as a kid?
Well, I used to make fake food out of mud and dirt in the backyard. Is that weird? I also used to sit in the living room listening to my cd's with headphones one, and I hand wrote lists of all the songs on all my cd's in alphabetical order. So when I bought a new cd, I had to rewrite the entire list. Excel would have blown my mind as a pre-teen/teen! But now I have iTunes, so it does that for me.
Question 12 - What's one passion or interest you think you could never turn into a job?
Music! Music is my most favorite thing in the world. I love listening to music, I love singing, I love talking about music (even if the other person has no idea what I am taking about and doesn't care). I don't think I could ever write music - although maybe song lyrics. I don't think I have the personality either for someone who would perform music. I would not be able to handle touring. I much rather enjoy singing whatever song I want from the comfort of my kitchen, shower, or car. Plus, being a musician these days to me seems as much about the persona of the artist, as the art. And I am not a very showy person. People tend to forget I exist sometimes. And I'm not some hot pop star looking person. And since Adele already exists, there's not really much of a niche for me, especially as I can't sing quite like her and she's very pretty too. I thought about a non-performer music career, but I am not really sure what that would look like with my personal strengths and interests. I think I would rather just enjoy listening to music to help out my day doing the work I have, and occasionally impressing the unexpected bystander when I sing within earshot of someone else.
Well, that was fun! And what did I learn? That I am passionate about being a weirdo - an introverted, people loving, weirdo. But seriously, that was fun. So, job well done!
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