I recently read online an article that typed Ted Mosby as an INFJ too. I am not sure if that is accurate, but it could explain why I love Ted Mosby so much. And I am the Ted of my friends group (you should meet our lady-Barney). So, I thought I would tell this tale with some Ted Mosby quotes.
Wait, why am I single?
I read something that declared why each type was single based on their MBTI. INFJ said it's because we don't trust people. Is that really true? Or is it we're just too smart to throw trust around willy-nilly? Or is it just that really lots of people aren't worthy of trusting? Okay, I admit I am not the most trusting. I like people, sure. But I keep a safe distance. So, maybe part of my being single stems from not letting guys get that close. Maybe someone liked me but I wrote them off before I even noticed their interest.
But I am working on this. I find it's easiest to open up about small things. So, I throw out innocuous personal facts when the situation arises. I mean, if a guy is interested, it's not fair for me to soak up all his facts w/o sharing my own. And, if he's the type of guy to show interest by asking questions, my refusal to open up could be seen as not having interest.
Wise words, Mr. Mosby, wise words.
This may explain things too:
I recently found this article online about dating an INFJ. I found some of the items very instructive, both for my (hopefully) eventual future BF, and for me to hopefully overcome some of the more single-inducing traits, like:
- Not looking for a temporary thing - this resonates. Maybe mostly because of my age. But I think also because I am an emotional person. Just when I like someone I can get really swept up in it. I like emotional connection, and getting deep with people. It's something I do with friends, so in a relationship it makes sense too. I am not saying necessarily looking for The One right off the back, just Mr. Maybe - someone who doesn't have to be obviously right, but isn't obviously wrong either.
- Forgetting to take care of themselves/Loves helping people - Umm, I have this problem with just work. I worry too much about making sure everyone is taken care of that I forget about me (have you seen my burn out post?). Not really sure this contributes to being single, but it would definitely be a sign I'm interested in someone. I mean, I wouldn't take my precious free time to do boring things for just anyone. And it's not just anyone I would drop what I am doing to go help. :)
- We can be strange - Yes, I am odd. I like so many random things - sci-fi/fantasy, loud punk music, classic literature, just to name a few random things. I sing alone all the time. I have random ideas I can't help but share. I get passionate about things like the Oxford comma. I am not for the faint of heart, the boring, or the dumb. I have a quick wit and sometimes I'm hilariously snarky. That's a lot going on in one person. So of course I am not for everyone, and I am an acquired taste. And I am okay with that. I would much rather be me and wait for someone to get that, then have to deny large parts of myself.
- Human lie detector - Ok, I am not sure if I have ever detected a bold faced lie (I haven't been actively looking for catching them, so I just don't know). But I know I am good at telling when someone is hiding information. Or when someone is being cagey on purpose. Or when someone is being fake. I personally see no point in being anything than honest (you can honestly say you can't divulge info), and anything other than yourself. I am always trying to know myself better and embrace her, I couldn't date anyone who wasn't real to themselves.
- Have issues opening up - yep, so true. It's hard enough opening up to just family or friends. But there is an extra level of closeness that comes with a relationship. But like I said in the last post, I am working on opening up little by little - gain trust with bits and pieces. On the list I saw on why my MBTI type is single, it said I should end up with someone who has been a friend for awhile and can prove trustworthy. So, guess the best approach is just opening up like I would to a new friend, and hopefully the rest comes eventually. Of course, this makes online dating hard (plus the being strange part too). :)
- Not a fan of PDA - I realized a few years ago that I am not a very touchy-feely person. I mean, with close family and friends I am not adverse to things like hugs, pats on the back, typical stuff. But that's a very small circle of people. I remember that moment years ago at a bar with some friends, watching an acquaintance flirt with someone I liked, and thinking of course she's getting the attention. She's all subtly handsy and very touchy. And I thought I never do that, nor would I ever feel comfortable. But lately I've learned it's something that can be practiced. My online research has told me that touching is a good way to flirt. So, while it's not very comfortable to me, I made a conscious effort to do it. I remember the first time I consciously went to innocently touch a guy. It was a simple pat on the shoulder - no big deal. Externally, it looked like nothing, but in my head it was super slow motion. I could see my hand slowly reaching out to his shoulder. I thought "am I really doing this!?" The moment of contact was really intense - OMG that happened! Afterwards I was super proud. And with some practice, it's actually pretty easy now - effortless, without always conscious thought. Of course, I wouldn't want to go crazy. Even the thought of holding hands in public makes me nervous. Best to keep the DAs out of the P.
- Being future oriented - what girl hasn't idly daydreamed about her crush and their future wedding, or taking their future kids to Disneyland? Am I right? No? Awwwwkward!
- Don't initiate things - It's not that I don't want to, it's just really hard. Oh the number of times I've wanted to initiate things. And the number of times I almost got there. But there's always some reason not to - most of them having to do with needing to open my mouth and say something not totally terrible. I think this is a big issue for me. Initiating things may even go as far as not initiating interactions where it can even be read as me being interested. Mostly I worry about it being too obvious, and that being gross. But then I don't want to be not obvious enough in case there's hope. But then timing is important and I wouldn't want to initiate something at the wrong moment. And I am so over initiating things while under the influence of liquid courage. I think of the last time I was (mostly) clear-headed and ready to do something, and then the Universe threw the most random and annoying things in the way and the moment was gone. I think I will just wait this out. Didn't "He's Just Not That Into You" say that if a guy likes a girl, he'll make it happen? So really, I should just wait for that. ;^0
- Being off in our own world - yeah, my head gets kind of busy. There is a lot going on in there, I could easy spend all of my time there and completely ignore the outside world. Plus, it's strange in there, so when it spills out, it can be off putting. Let's not forget, as an introvert, I like my me time. I just need to learn to not have so much of it. I did read something online about accepting that you can't fully understand your INFJ, because sometimes they don't fully understand themselves. I found this simultaneously reassuring because I wasn't the only one, but also incredibly sad because it's possible I may just never really be understood, even by someone who loves me. So, it makes hiding in my own world seem like a good option.
So, I just have to remember that when I start to feel like this:
I just need to have more hope and just do what I can, because I really believe this:
Thanks Ted for always giving me something to believe in! :^)
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