An Odd Sign from the Universe?

I find it amazing the random things that happen in life to help change you perspective. This is one such happening.

It all stated a couple weeks ago, when I was making a regular visit to the Starbucks near my office. When I first entered, I noticed a guy there that looked familiar - someone who I used to know in past instances, but hadn't seen in person for so many years, that if not for Facebook, I would have probably forgotten his existence. So of course, being the awkward introvert that I am, I pretended not to notice, and avoided looking in that direction by seeming very interested in my phone. However, when my drink was ready, I had to go near where he was standing, and he approached me.

What followed next was an interesting exchange. We did the usual chit chat of people who haven't talked in a very long time. If you know me well, you know that small talk with people I don't know makes me really uncomfortable! Oh the joys of introversion! But you also know that I am way too nice to just leave or be rude, because I care about everyone's feelings, so I will just suffer through these moments until it becomes less uncomfortable, or the socially required amount of time lapses and I can leave.

I think the first thing that really peeked my intuition, and not in a good way, was when I was making a comment about becoming an adult and realizing, and before I had a chance to finish my thought, him jumping in with that being an adult sucks. That really wasn't where I was going with that thought, more that when you become an adult you don't have it all figured out like you think you would as a younger person. My point much more equivocal, his interrupting interpretation was much more decided. So I did that thing I do in social settings, especially ones where I don't feel comfortable to be my whole, true self - I social mimicked. I really didn't have the time or the energy to disagree or have a deeper conversation about that, so I let it pass.

Side note, I don't agree that being an adult sucks. There are obvious pros and cons, but on the whole part I find it just fine. Granted, I realize I am lucky enough to have the intelligence, support, and education to take advantage of the advantages given to me. I find I definitely have the most self confidence and I am the most comfortable being myself with the world generally than ever before. And I find it kind of refreshing that other people even older than me don't have things figured out. It's nice there isn't one path and that the often prescribed way of being doesn't always work or make people happy. That just makes me feel better about myself creating my own path. Why not do things differently or want a different life, when what convention tells us all to want doesn't really work all the time, especially not for the unconventional.

Back on topic. So this guy tells me he and his wife are getting into this business where she's going to retire in two years and he's going to retire in five years. He mentions how much he doesn't like his job. And how he realized if you can do work that you didn't like at all, gave the example of shoveling manure, but if it gives you a good lifestyle, you would do it. That was another place where I fundamentally disagree. I have had boring jobs. And I hated it! I am an intellectual and someone who needs a challenge at work, and passion as well. I would willingly sacrifice a fancy lifestyle for work that gave my life meaning. But also, I think I can also work hard for and find meaningful work that can be passionate too. So, he asked for my card, to possibly get together with him and his wife to discuss their business. He said he'd talk to his business partners. I didn't want to hand over my card, but like I said, I am too nice to say no. I asked about what the business was, and he said something vague about on the back end it was online rerouting of customers or ad or something to/from major sites, but mostly the work is on the front end mentoring, or something like that. After a couple more pleasantries I went on my way back to work, hoping not to be called.

So of course I was called. I took a few days to call back. There was my internal struggle between "my intuition says something doesn't feel right" and "I don't want to be rude and not return the call." The message I left sounded less then enthused. I found it interesting that when I next spoke to this guy, he mentioned the voicemail and how I sounded interested/excited - I can't remember the actual word used. But definitely did not pick up on the tone of voice in the voicemail. I am not sure if he overlooked that on purpose, or just didn't get the tone of voice clues. I am often saddened but not surprised by people's lack of social awareness. When we did finally speak on the phone, I asked more about what the business - if there was any materials online I could read. He said I had to meet them in person.

Last week I met up with the guy and his wife. I will freely admit that I went into the meeting very skeptical. I did some online research about how to detect scams and how to ask the right questions. I just want to say that because I don't know many facts about this business thing of theirs, I cannot say for sure one way or the other how legitimate or how viable it is. However, what I can tell you are my personal impressions, observations, and analysis of what I experienced.

I arrived 15 minutes early. First, I have a saying I like to stick by. Early is on time; on time is late; and late is unacceptable. Second, I wanted to get settled into the location beforehand. We met at a familiar place in public, so no need to fear! They arrived pretty much right on time, so that I appreciated.

The first part of the meeting felt like a friendly interrogation. I have never had someone I don't know ask me so many questions about my family and life before - ever - let alone in one sitting. It definitely made me feel uncomfortable. And it wasn't just that there were a lot of questions. It didn't feel like a friendly chat of getting to know me. It really did feel like an interrogation. Some of the answers I kept more general or gave answers to shut down the line of questioning because I just felt otherwise I'd have to elaborate, and it really wasn't any of their business.

After that, they each took turns telling me their story - family history and job history. There were a few interesting things that stood out to me during this portion. One, just like when they were asking questions, this part didn't feel like a conversation. I tried to add my own anecdotes or comments about things I related to in their stories, but it really felt like they had rehearsed the flow of this part and my conversational interruptions were not welcome. Second, there really was a theme to how they both weaved their tales, a theme I believe they were trying to find also in me with the questions. The theme was one of I would say disillusioned educated young adult. They both talked about being from working class families, going to college, and not being satisfied with their career paths, which is totally fine. It wasn't so much what they said but more of how it felt like a very rehearsed script.

The next portion is where it got interesting. Once the story time ended, I really wanted to get down to business. My goal going into the meeting was to see how much information I could get to help me determine whether what they were doing was a scam or not. I still don't know for sure, but I definitely know that so many things rang warning bells with my intuition that I am glad it did not work out! I started by asking about the business model. I read a lot online about what kind of models are scams. Plus, having received no information about what the business was, or even a name for it, I wanted to know more. He gave a similarly vague answer about online sites. But he told me that it wasn't important what the business was, but rather who they worked with. So this meeting was an interview process. He said they couldn't tell me any details because they had to reveal the information over a series of 4-5 meetings. I thought that was weird. I raised the point that when someone interviews for a job, while the interviewer is getting to know the potential employee, the interviewee has information about the job and can research the company online - it's a mutual getting to know each other process.

I don't know how soon into the discussion I mentioned that what they were describing sounded like a scam, but that didn't sit very well with the husband. I was at least polite enough to say that there were parts of this that sounded sketchy and I wanted to raise them in case they didn't see them. I don't want any gullible people to be fooled. I had an interesting back and forth with the husband. I have a fancy degree in arguing, so I wasn't going to be intimidated or manipulated. There were a few things that really interested/worried me about the exchange. It wasn't about trying to sell me on whatever the business was - because they wouldn't give me any information. It seemed more trying to first hook me with suspense, and when that didn't work then trying to take stabs at my ego to manipulate me. He said that college brainwashes people to become employees, so the multiple meetings were to unbrainwash you from that employee mentality to a business owner mentality. Ummm, I don't know about you out there in reader land, but undergrad college did not prepare me AT ALL for the work place. Law school did, but this dude didn't go to law school. Okay, tangent point over.

There were definitely a few more attempts on my part to get more info that I can not remember clearly. I asked for a business name and got none. I asked for names of people who actually succeeded in the terms claimed (being able to step aware from their jobs at those times) and I was told they gave me names. I replied with I received firsts names of people I don't know so I can't verify. At one point I was told that there wasn't an opportunity for me, but that the meeting was just for them to get to know me to see if I was right for an opportunity. That was a definite play at my ego - not about trying to up sell their business thing, but rather to make me feel inadequate if I wasn't interested in their mystery business. He mentioned this process was to make sure they found people who were willing to make a change in their lives, and that not everyone had the motivation to stop being an employee. He said the process was to make sure they found people who were patient enough to stick with it. He later reiterated this point saying that maybe I wasn't the kind of person wanting to better my life.

At that point I really wanted to laugh in this dudes face or call him idiot names. I even had a very good retort and argument back, but at that point I realized I was wasting my time, and that I didn't care to argue to these strangers about how untrue that was. They were really just trying to manipulate me and I wasn't going to play that game. At some point, I think earlier, I had mentioned that as part of my job and through my education I learned about reading people, and that the kind of information not given and the kind of language he was using really raised concerns - I cannot quite remember how I phrased it - about it being deceptive or manipulative or something. He stated, in a clearly agitated way, that he was educated too. After I Googled "Millennial business scams" and found this article by Forbes. So, yes, you can be scammed even with your education because (1) my law degree gained me way more critical thinking skills than most people's whatever else degrees, and (2) most of the common sense and critical thinking skills about the real world I learned from the real world! Shocker!!

I will say this, I purposefully was very skeptical and questioning during this process. While I am a nice person, I am also very prudent. I am not looking to get scammed into anything. And I am not looking to waste my time on odd stuff. So I definitely tried to push some buttons, and frankly I was not pleased with what I saw. I found it interesting the entire approach to get me to continue in the process was negative. There was only a little mention of the other people helping them get their finances in order (although it made me wonder how much they let strangers see of their assets - they got involved in the first place just because some other similarly situated person received services at the wife's office). Other than that, the sales pitch wasn't about focusing on the positives of the experience - no the work is interesting, the business is booming, our lives are so much better. It really seemed focused on vetting me and trying to hook me in. I also found it interesting how in the Starbucks run in he mentioned doing any unenjoyable work if it gave a good lifestyle, but then in the later meeting mentioning he wanted to do something impactful. These two statement seemed at odds with each other, and I am wondering if the change in narrative came from coaching in the second instance, where the first was more him off the cuff. I also found it interesting that during the back and forth part that the wife really didn't say much.

Finally he called the conversation quits by saying that obviously it wasn't going to work out. He then said something about it was good though that I said no because not everyone was brave enough to say no, or some bullshit like that. The tone of his voice really gave away more of a "well this is pointless and I don't mean these words, but I need to say something to just cut this off." Then he completely changed topics and asked me if I still keep up with mutual people we know. He mentioned people he keeps up with. That got me thinking - why isn't he and his wife giving this pitch to those people? Granted, some of them live farther away, and it could just be geography. But I found it odd that he wants to meet with me, someone he hasn't spoken to in YEARs, and frankly someone he didn't really know more than as a friend of friends anyway, than people he's actually kept up with all this time. If I really had this great opportunity, I would want to bring in people I already know, rather than some person I ran into randomly. But on the other hand, if I were scamming someone, I would totally want someone I didn't know well.

In the hours and days that followed I definitely related this tale to a feel people. I had two different people ask me if I was sure they weren't trying to recruit me for a cult! At least business scams give you information about how the business is supposed to work. I am really curious now!

So after all of that, you might be wondering about the blog title. If you read my last post, you know that I've been kind of in a ho hum kind of mood. But this encounter made me realize just how lucky I am and made me feel good about my life choices. I found it ironic that I was being told that maybe I wasn't the kind of person willing to make an effort to change my life, when the person saying that to me was just earlier whining about how he hated the job path he took and didn't really do much but move around jobs until his wife stumbled on someone pushing a get rich quick scheme (or so I believe). And true, I did experience similar things to them - following the go to college plan, not really getting to where I planned for all those years, feeling adrift in the no-so-figured-out world of being an adult. But do you know what I did? I sure didn't just whine about it and take an easy way out. I worked my ass off. I may not have loved every moment of my job, but I worked hard, I kept an eye out for opportunities - hell I made opportunities for myself. I learned a lot about who I am as a person and what I want in a career, and then worked to get there. The path hasn't always been easy, but I am really excited about where I am now with work. I've found myself a few times over the last few weeks giddy with glee about work. And I know I can't feel like that all day every day, but I am excited about what I am doing, and it didn't just fall into my lap. I earned it and I went after it. That is what I could have argued that evening to them. But like I said, I realized there was no point.  Who the hell were they? Nothing to my life. I really cared more in that moment that I was proud of what I had accomplished in a similar situation to them. I felt like they won't understand it because this business opportunity is exactly what a lot of people want - to follow xyz steps and then just be handed a reward at the end. But I am sorry, it doesn't work that way.

So no, I didn't have the patience that evening to stick it out for 4-5 more meetings. Even if their thing turns out to be legit, I didn't spend these last few years putting in all this effort to build a career and love how I am just to follow some strangers down some rabbit hole. But hey, at least it really helped me appreciate what I do have. I don't always to that enough!