How is it that a whole month of 2018 is already over? I was right when I told myself that if I just stuck to my good habits, time would go by quickly with positive results. And as part of that, I decided to at least blog once a month to talk about my life progress - good bad or indifferent. I am going to try very hard to not let the first few days of February color my recap of January. It's amazing how things can change so quickly! You'll just have to wait for the February debrief for THAT!
I really see 2018 as the year some things finally settle into place. From reading my 2016 blogs, you know THAT year suuuuuuuuuuucked!! I saw 2017 as a building year - some things got better, some things just got built in the background, and only a few things suuuucked. For 2018, I want to use that momentum to really launch!
I have 3 major goals for 2018: (1) pay down my student loans, (2) be healthier, and (3) do something about my novel.
Number one is pretty self-explanatory, if no fun. I want to just put away extra money on my loans. I am not sure in the future whether I will buy a house and be a lonely spinster, or buy a house for a family I start. But right now I am deciding not to worry about my long term life choices, and instead just focus on finances I have now. No matter what the future brings, paying down loans is a good idea. Psychologically I want to pay down the little ones, but the bigger ones have the highest interest rate. Ugg, it sucks that money logic doesn't jive with what feels good in the brain. I have to let me cerebrum overrule my amygdala.
Number two is a constant thing on my list. But this year it just feels different. 2017 was really about developing better habits. I know that if I want to lose weight and take better care of myself, I have to play the mental game as well as the physical. From experience and reading, I know that dieting just doesn't work. And in the past I felt like mentally trying to get in shape was exhausting. So, my focus was on doing good habits that changed how I thought about things, without being hard on myself. It wasn't about being good all the time - it was about making good health habits fun or at least lazy. And I made some great progress! Even when I backslide and stopped paying attention, I still maintained the weight I lost, even if my hopes were loftier than reality. It just proved I developed lasting habits that when I was on life autopilot, those habits stuck!
What were my good habits? Well, they were things that were fun or easy. I developed a love of hummus. Seriously, I eat hummus for dinner at least 3 nights a week. If I run out of hummus, I get very sad. :^( I'd rather have no toilet paper than no hummus. I also started getting one of those farm delivery boxes. True, it's probably more expensive and I could buy those fruits and veggies at a store. But it's super fun every week getting to pick what's in my farm box. And then fun when it arrives and I remember what I ordered! Plus, produce changes over the year, so new things become available. And while I've force eaten a lot of kale this last 14 months, I am getting healthy greens, so it's ok. I just need to learn to bring my salad dressing home when my office does the monthly refrigerator clean out. Ooooh, and let's talk cauliflower. I am now heartily obsessed with cauliflower, so I'll eat it once a week. Fun fact! If you eat vegetables, you don't have to feel hungry all the time! You can eat yourself stuffed with cauliflower! Yum! Also, for the calories of one candy bar, you can eat like 50 pickles. You know, in case you're so inclined.
I have also been getting more exercise. I do a LOT of walking. And as you probably well know, that's all thanks to Pokemon Go! I don't care if it's weird, or lame, or whatever word you want to use to disparage a kind and dedicated group of people. But I take a weekly 3 mile walk around downtown each Sunday, plus many misc. walks during the week and weekend just to catch Pokemon. It gets me out of the house, and I've met some really cool people. Also, this year I've realized I could watch Netflix on my phone while at the gym! As a genius who's technologically inclined, I am surprised it took this long to think of this idea. I am currently watching Stranger Things, and I am only allowed to watch it when I go to the gym. Unfortunately, due to work travel and other commitments, I average 1-2 episodes a week. I once left my headphones in my desk because I didn't think I'd need them, since I wasn't using my iPod, completely forgetting I needed them for my Netflix watching.
I think the biggest difference with 2018 in January is the healthy habits just seemed easier. Instead of dreading January to come to start a News Years resolution, I was looking forward to the start so I could switch wall calendars to one that is easier to track progress. Plus, if I eat out less, I not only help lose weight, but that's more money for my student loan! Yay! (Oddly enough, NOT a sarcastic yay!) I know that after January is going to be rough, because progress stalls or goes backwards. It also doesn't help being a woman where hormones and menstruation throw off weight. Oh, and I learned that an adult over 5 feet tall can carry up to 25 pounds of poop in their body. So if you, say, have a slowdown in your regularity when eating healthier, your fat lose could be counterbalanced in poop weight. Just food for thought. Oh, and for good health habits, I also quit smoking - surprise! Just one bad day in the last 49, so that's great!
Number three is the only thing I have yet to make a start on. I would like to do something with my novel. I always wanted to write one. But honestly, the entire time from the initial concept 10+ years ago, to the 4-5 starts and stops, and all through the two years it took to actually write it, I never really thought I would finish. I absolutely expected myself to give up or stop caring. So boy as I surprised last April (or what is March?) when I actually finished. Granted, it probably needs edits, but it exists in it's entirety! And the hard part too is when I told people "oh sure, you can read it, when it's finished" and in reality had no expectation to finish - it was just going to be this thing I brought up in conversation occasionally to sound cool. The problem is, it's really fucking personal, and really depressing, especially right off the bat. Eventually you get to the guillotine part and the creepy ghost children and the snails turning into vines. But you have to get past the initial "oh fuck, what is happening!" This is a great time to reminder people that individuals of my Myers Briggs type (INFJ in case you forgot, hahahaha) tend to have some hidden darkness within. Like I've said - you some people are are all cold and off putting on the outside, but you realize they are actually warm and caring on the inside? I'm like the opposite of that. Muahahahaha!!
So I am really at a decision point with the novel. I have ideas for edits, and a desire to see if anyone wants to publish it. I am not sure if I can even write, but then Twilight got three books published, so there's that. I think I expected more people to actually read it than did. I think I got 1 of 5 to finish, (I give a legit excuse to 1, because that's what BFFs are for!). I guess I don't like the idea of putting myself out there to more people or strangers if some people close to me haven't even weighed in. I do appreciate that one friend who read it and gave positive comments! Yay! I have also been afraid to give it to any relatives, just because it's really personal. Like, if friends of mine go "wtf" then I can just never be friends with them again. But not really inclined to do that with my family. Of course I don't want to do that with my friends either. But like, if necessary, you do what you gotta do. ;^) It's just a struggle because one part of me really worries about putting myself out there, both having people read something I wrote and because once you let stuff about yourself out into the world people can't unknow the information. Plus, what if I never have an idea for anything else worth writing - not sure I want to be a one hit wonder. On the other hand, this has been a dream of mine for a LONG time! And I don't want to give up from fear. Plus, as a society we are really having a moment right now with being open about mental illness, and I would love to contribute something to that conversation, albeit in an interesting fantasy genre nightmare kind of way. :^) I think I just need to drop myself back into my world to reaffirm my commitment. Frankly, it turned out a lot better than I expected, even if it needs works.
Now that I've set the ground layer of "what am I doing for 2018" I've actually done some other things, than just play Pokemon go, work, go to the gym, and eat cauliflower (although that was a good chunk of my month!). I say the musical Something Rotten, and it had one of the dudes from Rent! so that was cool! I got to see my BFF rock some Irish dance competitions. Because when you're an adult, sometimes you can do whatever the fuck you want, as long as you have to drive and commitment to try! And she won a bunch of shiny metals, so yay!! I started my third round of improv classes, which is going very well. It's a lot of fun. I have something I enjoy doing that's not a by myself at home activity (unlike reading, writing, video games, singing, Christmas stocking sewing). It's the only thing I do outside my house that's not work or Pokemon Go! Hahahaha! Towards the end of the month I saw Silverstein again in concert. AND best thing ever! I bought a pink band shirt!!! Loud rock bands never sell pink shirts!! If my personality was a t-shirt, it is this t-shirt. It's pink, a nice peppy girly color! And it's for a loud rock band, and says the word "dead" a couple of times on it! Woot woot!
I only read one book in January, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, because after reading 52 books in 2017 I wanted to (1) bring the reading pace to a screeching halt, and (2) read something I've already read before. I've accomplished both!! But, if you know me, I have a habit of tying the books I read into my daily life, or into other books I've read, or somehow find something to think about from books. Granted, I'm an over thinker anyway, so books just give me new material. But since I haven't read any new books, I've been thinking about things read in past books. Like recently I have been thinking a lot about how my work book club read Quiet, the book about being an introvert. I found it interesting how in the book and in the room of book club people that many couples are one extrovert and one introvert. And I get that - historically I have been attracted to extroverts (or introverts who've either developed their social skills or who drink themselves into social skills). I see the appeal to having that opposite handy. Es can help bring Is out of their shells and give them an anchor to latch onto in uncomfortable settings. Is can be shy, mysterious, or slow to attract, which maybe for Es is a fun challenge. But lately I've been thinking about the difficult challenges of an I chasing an I. Like two Es seems super easy, because they can both be more outgoing and can vibe together. Maybe there's too much energy there, idk, but whatever. That will never be me, so who cares. But the two Is thing is a challenge. Two people more inclined to be in their heads and less likely to initiate things. I asked my best friend, who is in a two I relationship, how the hell do you make that happen?! And essentially she said I may have to be the E in situations. Ummmm, that sounds terrifying. B/c I assume when you're an E, you just say and do whatever comes to you right off the bat, so if you're talking to someone you like, it's whatever goes - no thinking, just doing. But when you're an I, it's all "think, think, think, maybe do, OMG what did I do, think, think, think." And if two people are doing that at the same time, there's a lot of chance for some awkward silence or running away in opposite directions. Plus, in my head I'm all "does my presence even register? If so, is it a more awkward making one because there's interest and that's nerve wrecking, or because there's a dislike and eww gross I should go away and stop being a bother." I don't think Es get this worked up in their heads beforehand (but maybe after they say something dumb). So yeah, I can get why it's easier for an I to end up with an E, b/c someone's more likely to do the chasing. I'm more likely to do covert glances and sit in awkward silences.
But hey, 2018 is about personal growth and making things awesome, so maybe less thinking and more doing. We'll see where that gets me!
No comments:
Post a Comment