I felt like it's been awhile, so I've decided to eat pizza and blog because it keeps my head from exploding sometimes. Otherwise, the thing that usually keeps my head from exploding is the fact that I don't think heads actually explode (at least not of their own accord). Pro pizza tip - don't put your oven mitt down on top of your pizza, unless you like greasy oven mitts. I think this lesson teaches us something both literal and metaphorical, maybe.
So, now a couple hours have gone by between those paragraphs and this. And also gone is my urge to wax poetic in an endless stream of whines and quasi-insightful crap about feelings and shit. Instead, I think I am going to express all my brain-bending, anxiety inducing thoughts into a series of (possibly rhetorical) questions. Here this goes!
- Does my brain have an off switch? If yes, where? If no, is it missing or broken? Or did my brain model just not come with one?
- Am I mentally capable of NOT stressing or being anxious over thoughts? If I don't have anything to ruminate about, am I even me anymore? Should I create a stressor in my immediate life to stop from stressing over other things?
- Is politics over yet? Can I sue the President for emotional distress? Should the Federal Government subsidize Trump induced anxiety and depression? But serious, IS THIS OVER YET?!?!?! Is all hope gone?! Can voting places give people condolence ice cream? Again, is all hope gone?!?!?!
- Why do I just loathe unloading the dishwasher, but don't mind loading it? Shouldn't I prefer the not gross chore? What does this say about me?
- Are Liberal who preach tolerance for other religions but talk mad trash on Christianity really tolerant about religion? And do Conservatives who malappropriate Christianity for their political purposes not bring the mistreatment on themselves? And what about those of us stuck in the middle? Do we not get a voice; can we not be outraged by both actions?
- If I become wholesale intolerant of a group because my open-mindedness hates others' intolerance, am I not a kettle to that pot? Are people not complex? Does one polarized label really ever define anyone?
- What do you do when the thing you've worked your butt of for finally happened? Do I need a next thing already, or can I just be happy with the current thing? And when did I become this confident work person that actually feels most at self-ease while on the job? Does this make me a responsible adult now?
- Why don't I talk more about my job with groups of people that I've met since I've worked there? Is it because of work/life balance? Or do I worry about ostracizing myself? Or is my ego afraid people outside of work won't think I'm as impressive as people inside work? Does that sound arrogant? Am I an arrogant person? But seriously, should I even share personal details with people I only know through Pokemon Go? Isn't it more important to focus solely on the uniting experience that is Pokemon Go?
- How do you say "I miss you" to someone I don't even know ever really knew how much I actually cared? Or am I the one who never knew? And how long until it doesn't even matter anymore?
- How does gravity work? Do you know? Does science even know?
- Are there too many rules in my head? Have I become so self aware that I've defined myself by a set of rules (I like this, I believe that), that I have forgotten how to just BE me? But seriously, where is my brain's off switch?
- Why are there so many games in a baseball season? Is the motto quantity over quality?
- How does one tell if someone is interest in them romantically? Am I too old to learn that? Why is "my friend likes your friend" so underrated? Why do societal norms have to make so many men miss out on the awesomeness it would be having me as a girlfriend? Why don't men see how obvious it is that pretty, dumb girls make them miserable? Have then never seen other couples shopping?
- Am I actually funny? Do people actually like me? Does it seem too needy or too ungracious to ask those things aloud? How do you tell the difference between wanting to quit because you're just being a whiny quitter, and quitting because it's the right thing to do for a wrong fit? And why do you ask that question when you already know the answer, you dumb, whiny quitter?
- Does it feel better, in the brain region, to ask questions without answering them? Or does it just mean you have a LOT to do tonight instead of sleeping?
- Why can't I hate the player AND the game? Isn't this especially useful for sports that allow overtime? WHY CAN'T OTHER SPORT TIE?!?! What's wrong with being just as good as the other team?
- Why does everyone smoke weed now? What are other people's thoughts about pro- or anti-weed smoking rules when it comes to interpersonal relationships? Can weed mess up your brain like LSD can (assuming no LSD in the weed)? Do people ever have weed trips years after?
- Is there anything wrong with listening to Ed Sheeran all the time? Would it change your answer if I promised it doesn't make me cry that much anymore? If a fun song used to make me sad, but doesn't anymore, can I listen to it 100 times in a row? Will that drive me literally insane?
- Would I do well on Survivor? Or am I too nice? Would there be interest in a Survivor/Biggest Loser crossover TV show?
- If the market crashes, and I lose all of my 401k, was it a mistake to save for retirement instead of paying down my student loan? Why are houses so expensive? Why am I millennial? Why couldn't I just have been born dumb and hot, instead of the opposite? Is that easier or harder, or just the same but different?
- Can I be done now?
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